Colour outside the lines

Intimacy out of mess.

2011-05-16T13:47:00.000+01:00

In the cartoon Lady and the Tramp, I love the bit when Lady and Tramp are eating spaghetti together.

Without realising they both start to eat the same piece of spaghetti, and as they each chew on it, they become closer and closer.

until they meet together in the middle and experience something intimate.

Lady and Tramp eating the spaghetti illustrates to me that even amongst chaos and mess, if two people share it together, and then both manage to grab hold of the same thing, it can then ultimately bring them closer together.

It's no longer 'a problem shared is a problem halved', but rather 'a problem shared is a relationship made whole'.

Time out from school has helped.

2011-05-12T15:54:00.000+01:00

My son Mason returned to school yesterday after being home educated.

Mason started high school last September full of optimism, excitement and the expectation of making new friends. But, within the first few weeks, he become unhappy, dissatisfied, and frustrated with school which then affected his behaviour both in school and at home.

He was receiving break time detentions every week, mainly for not bringing his P.E. kit or home economics ingredients (which we were supposed to measure out for him). And then he was receiving after school detentions. Indecently, this didn't change his organisational skills, but rather, frustrated him even more and cause him to disrespect school authority. We felt that Mason hadn't coped with the jump from junior school to high school, and wasn't grasping the responsibility he should have had for his school equipment. I feel his dad and I are part to blame for his lack of organisational skills but I also feel that the school place too much pressure on our kids too soon and expect them to behave in a certain way without given them the time and space to develop their behaviour to the schools expectations. However, by the end of the first term, we decided to take him out of school to home educate him.

Most of his home education was to work on his behaviour, organisational skills and responsibility which I feel improved and now measures up to the standard required for a 12 year old at his current school. Since his return to school, he has been put back into all the classes he was in before he left and although it has only been two days, Mason has come home feeling more positive about his future in school.

I still have reservations about the education system in this country and believe too much pressure at such a young age, is put on the children in mainstream schools. However, since reading the white paper on the proposed changes to the current system, I feel positive about sending my daughters to school and their future school career.

Don't lose hope

2011-03-08T00:04:00.000Z

Hope can encourage
Hope is miraculous
Hope is forward thinking
Hope can liberate
Hope heals
Hope builds up
Hope is empowering
Hope brings peace
Hope is optimistic
Hope is proactive
Hope is not knowing, but believing

Knowing what will happen, is when you've lost all hope.

Colour outside the lines:

2011-02-16T18:27:00.000Z

When I was a child I use to colour outside the lines. But I soon learnt that wasn't the correct way to colour and so as I grew older I started to colour inside the lines and went through countless colouring books until I never made one mistake and stayed inside the lines. I wanted to be a great artist who could control a crayon perfectly.

But what is the big deal? Why can't we be a little messy and colour over the lines? To colour outside the lines means to submit, give up the control, and to stop trying to be perfect.

We all naturally make mistakes because we live in a fallen world created by two people who made the ultimate mistake in humanity. Were they colouring outside the lines as they walked with God in the garden of Eden? Yes they was. But they wanted to perfect themselves and be like God, the greatest artist of all.

Colouring outside the lines of the God and you combination, allows you to live in freedom and to become what God created you to be.

I'm a mushroom eater.

2011-02-07T15:07:00.000Z

Sometimes I feel like the black sheep when I receive disapproving comments from others because I'm not doing things the same way as everyone else.

Why do people have to do the same thing as everyone else? Is it because they can't make a decision on their own? Is it because they have no sense of individuality? Is it because they are followers and not leaders? Is it because they want to fit in? Is it because they just don't know what to do and are scared to be different?

I'm a mushroom eater. I am the one who would eat a mushroom first to see if it's safe. If someone else had eaten it first, I wouldn't believe it to be safe until I've eaten it myself. I'm someone who likes to take risks and make my own mistakes and I don't like doing what other people do unless it's within my own belief and value system.

Being different or rebellious to the norm way of living, has it's down sides. People totally misunderstand me. I have been called arrogant, a show off and a bit boastful. If people really knew what was going on inside my mind, they wouldn't be so judgmental, insulting and offensive. I don't see the point in trying to justify myself to others because everyone is entitled to their opinion and I can accept their perception of me, even if it can upset me at times.

I am a sheep and I have a Shepard. His name is Jesus and it's him who I follow and want to be like.

There is 'I' in community

2011-02-01T16:53:00.000Z

We have been made in God's image and God the Holy Spirit helps us to live, care and love like God the Son who is the living image of God the Father. God is community and likes to be and commune with us. He is always there, always cares and will forever love us. That is His promise. So why do I feel so lonely? Abandoned? Rejected?

In 2004 I was starting to feel lifted out of my depression and by the time I gave my life to Jesus in 2006, I was fully recovered from it. However, the psychosis is back and I have once again been prescribed medication to re-uptake the serotonin levels in my brain. Unfortunately, during the past couple years I have heard negative comments from fellow Christians about depression and anti-depressants and have been told numerous times that there is no need for medication as depression is a choice and only God can heal someone from it, but that person has to be willing to pray about it and to take it to God for healing. AARRGHHH!!! I now do not feel like I can share with others about my condition and want to go home to my friends and family who were there the first time around and understands me and is supportive.

God is community, and we his children are community too, but no matter how much alone time I spend with Him, I still feel like I need to be with those who know me and one of the worst thing about depression is, no matter how much I know how blessed I am, or how much time I spend with a true friend, I still feel lonely.

Who owns your relationship?

2011-01-25T15:51:00.000Z

When you make a commitment to a relationship, you invest your attention and energy in it more profoundly because you now experience ownership of that relationship.

- Barbara De Angeli

When I was younger, my brother and I shared a game. I would take it out of the box and play with it carefully. I would make sure all the pieces were all together when I'd finished playing with it, and I would put it back in the box ready for next time. My brother however, was more careless with the game. He would pull it apart, chuck it about and often lose the pieces, until eventually, the box had fallen apart and too many pieces were missing and it became useless to play with.

My brother and I often shared games and toys and they would always end up broken or useless because he hadn't looked after them properly and so many of our games were thrown away before they were properly played with. As I grew older, I would take more of an ownership with our shared games and look after them for the both of us.

A relationship can become broken and useless too, if one of the persons in the relationship doesn't look after it properly and isn't committing to investing their attention or energy into it. A relationship doesn't just mean between lovers. A relationship can be between friends, colleagues, pupil and teacher, neighbours, etc. What happens when someone in the relationship isn't looking after it properly?

I'm experiencing broken relationships in my life right now and I think it's time I gave up ownership of these relationships. It's hard to maintain a relationship when I'm the only one investing into it.

Sometimes, we have to admit defeat and throw the game away.

Proverbs 12:16

2011-01-19T15:26:00.000Z

A fool is quick tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted. Proverbs 12:16 (NLT)

Fools have short fuses and explode all too quickly; the prudent quietly shrug off insults. Proverbs 12:16 (The Message)

The vexation of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult. Proverb 12:16 (English Standard Version)

–verb (used with object)

to treat or speak to insolently or with contemptuousrudeness; affront.

to affect as an affront; offend or demean.

Archaic . to attack; assault.

–verb (used without object)

Archaic . to behave with insolent triumph; exultcontemptuously (usually fol. by on, upon, or over ).

–noun

an insolent or contemptuously rude action or remark; affront.

something having the effect of an affront: That book is aninsult to one's intelligence.

Medicine/Medical .

an injury or trauma.

an agent that inflicts this.

Archaic . an attack or assault.

Postnatal Depression

2011-01-17T17:59:00.000Z

Apparently, today is statistically the most depressing day of the year. This has prompted me to write a little about my own personal experience with depression.

I developed postnatal depression after giving birth to my second son in 1998. It begin with hallucinations and delusions but I hadn't noticed them. I didn't even feel depressed. When I actually look back, I can't remember anything being wrong with me. However, my brother-in-law noticed something wasn't right about me and a friend's boyfriend had mentioned the 'spark' in my eyes had gone. John and I didn't realise that I was different.

So I visited my G.P. and he prescribed me Saroxat and referred me to a Psychiatrist. The side effects of Saroxat were alarmingly bad and I often thought about suicide. Something deep in me knew I really didn't want to do this and when I had my first appointment with the Psychiatrist he prescribed a different anti-depressant, but they were no good either. It took seven different Psychiatrists, one and half years of counselling, brain scans and four different types of anti -depressents during six years of Psychiatric treatment to find out what was 'wrong' with me.

From years of stuffing my emotions and countless traumas my brain just fried itself and stopped producing serotonin. What I actually had was a neurological disorder, but it's easier to tell people it's post natal depression because it developed after giving birth. However, many people are ignorant to the variety of conditions, disorders, and diseases there are under the 'post natal depression' umbrella. Some people also do not recognise it as a real illness because it cannot be seen.

I have so much to say on this matter, but I still find it awkward to talk about and I'm still ashamed of it because, unfortunately, I was the victim of ignorance and suffered during the first couple years of treatment as I felt unsupported by some who were closest to me and was often told, 'to pull myself together', or 'what do I have to feel depressed about?'

After another traumatic experience in 2004, I turned to reading the bible and the depression started to lift. Even though I wasn't a Christian back then, I believed it was Jesus who helped me during that time and I gave my life to him in 2006. I went on to have another two children in 2007 and 2009.

I started to have delusions after my forth child and bouts of depression, but I do not feel I can talk about it with my Christian friends because most of them just say, give it to God. Of course that is what I do, do and so I'm faced with more ignorance. If I had cancer, would they tell me to take that to God too?

Some people are sympathetic to post natal depression, but to be honest, unless you have had it or experienced someone with it, you may never fully understand how it feels. It isn't something that can just be snapped out off. It's worst some days and for no reason. It can be more than just feeling down and sometimes I'm not always aware I'm experiencing it. It isn't always consistent, which is probably why people think it's easy to get over, but for some sufferers, it's a chemical imbalance in the brain, something I have no control over.
http://www.health.state.ny.us

Disagreements are freeing.

2011-01-15T12:35:00.000Z

I seem to be disagreeing with a few people lately. It's all very civil with no arguments being caused from it because it's mainly a difference of opinion. I do have a sense that a bit of slagging off is probably going on behind my back though, which I know is quite judgmental on my part, but I do believe I'm being misunderstood and when people don't understand something they tend to dislike it or avoid it, which is what I feel is happening to me.

These thoughts could all be from the enemy but we can't always blame everything on him. Sometimes we have to accept it's us. Well, I'm accepting it's me and I'm beginning to wonder if I really have a chip on my shoulder and that I'm just out for a bit of controversy. However, when I take it to God, I don't feel convicted, I feel empowered.

I know at times I have said things and done things that are out of the norm, (by which I mean the world) and some Christian friends don't always agree we me and have sometimes questioned my reasons behind my actions. They have even managed to plant seeds of doubt into my mind when a few years ago God told us to give up John's job, which resulted in our house being repossessed, losing our cars and being made bankrupt. During that time, we were told by some Christians that God wouldn't have told us to give up a well paid job and we put ourselves in that mess so we have to deal with it. Being told that knocked my faith a little bit and John and I had to continue praying every night to undo the lies that had been planted.

Well, God was in our actions back then and he has since completely restored our financial circumstances, and when John's company phoned him 18 months after he left asking him to come back, which John did, we knew God was with us the whole time. During that time God also broke us and stripped us as people and he has been building us up spiritually ever since. Losing everything was the best thing that could have happened to us, but we had to get into a place of obedience and trust in God to give our lives to him. It was hard, especially when some Christians around us are still controlled by the world's view of what we should or shouldn't do and question us when we do something that isn't the same as everyone else. Well, we are in the world, not of the world.

Most recently, we have taken our other son out of school to home educate, and already I am being asked about how that will affect his future. I don't know his future. He gave his life to Jesus two years ago, so his future is in God's hands, I can only prepare him for life on earth now and guide him and encourage him to store up his treasures in heaven. If people disagree with that then, maybe they need to take that to God.

One reason to home educate

2011-01-11T15:37:00.000Z

One of the main reasons for home educating our children is because we don't agree with the education system in mainstream schools. We feel that state schools are not actually providing our children with a sufficient education that would prepare them for life. Instead, they are being taught how to pass exams. I started to notice in my youngest son Mason, gaps in information regarding certain subjects that he was studying at school. I didn't understand how he was in top set for all his subjects at high school and yet couldn't tell me what a bird of prey was.

During his last year in primary school, he was under a lot of pressure from the school to pass his SATS which he did and got top marks for. Getting top marks in exams does not mean they know the subject or even understand the what they're learning, it could just mean they have a good memory. An example a journalist gave about the relevance of exams results was; some students who get A* in Science do not always know what the difference is between photosynthesis and photoshop.

During Mason's last year at primary school he was unhappy because of the pressure, he also felt unhappy during his first term at high school but not because of the pressure but because he was bored. He would come home complaining that he wasn't learning anything, instead he would be given worksheets to complete in different subjects, which he would do, but became frustrated when the teacher would interrupt the class to talk about what is written on the sheet. Mason would say it was a waste of time.

Also, at school for home economics, Mason would bring home the recipe and we would have to measure out the ingredients for him to take back to school. Isn't part of home economics about measuring the ingredients and doing it yourself? Exactly how is that equipping them for life?

What many people do not realise is, school is NOT compulsory, education is, and education isn't always about academia. Education is the gradual process of acquiring knowledge; "education is a preparation for life".

Today we taught our boys how to wire a plug.

My little girl's four

2011-01-09T18:40:00.000Z

It's my little girl Turaya's forth birthday today. Giving birth to her was the worst out of all four of my children and at one point I thought I might die with exhaustion. But God has blessed me greatly with her. She is, funny, witty, bright, smart, loving, caring and absolutely adored by many. She is such a joy to be around.

It's all in the name.

2011-01-08T18:25:00.000Z

During my childhood, my name wasn't very common. Many people would comment that Tanya was a pretty name and quite unusal. I really liked being a bit quirky.

Throughout school, I hadn't known anyone else called Tanya [pronounced tan-yah] and people would often pronounce my name as tarn-e-ah. I thought it quite rude when I introduced myself to someone and they wouldn't pronounce my name properly just after I had told them it. Even some teachers couldn't get it right and on occasions I wouldn't answer them if they didn't say my name correctly. When I started art college there was another Tanya. Her family were from Germany and they pronounced her name the same way I did. She was the first other Tanya I had met and the only one whose pronunciation was the same as mine.

As the years went on the name Tanya became more common, however, the pronunciation was [tarn-e-ah]. I still get called [tarn-e-ah] and I really don't like it. Not because it's not a nice pronunciation of Tanya, but because that isn't my name. My name is TAN-YA. I don't get why it's pronounced the other way, where is the 'R' in Tanya?

Since I became a Christian I have thought about changing my name. A lot of characters in the bible had their names changed, such as Abram, who became Abraham, and Sara-became Sarah, Saul became Paul and Simon became Peter.

I think names are important, especially the meanings. Tanya means Queen of the faeries, which is another reason why I want to change my name.

The question is, what should my name be?

Friday Feeling

2011-01-07T19:05:00.000Z

My feeling this Friday is peacefulness.

Wednesday Wonders

2011-01-05T19:28:00.000Z

I wonder if insects feel pain when they lose a leg?

Woman Alive. For women and men?

2011-01-04T22:50:00.000Z

For my birthday, John bought me a years subscription for a Christian women's magazine called 'Woman alive.'
I have only read a few pages and so far I already feel; understood, connected, inspired, encouraged and challenged.

Even though it's geared towards women, there are some articles in it that are male friendly too. The way I see it, when it comes to our purpose in life, our walk with Jesus and our deeper growth in relationship with God, there is no difference between male and female. I don't think God sees the gender, he sees us as children and like children in their early years, the only thing that differentiates between males and females is their genitalia. Other than that, some children play with toys that may not be specific to their gender preference. Girls play with boy toys and boys play with girl toys and this happens until we prefer to play with the toys geared towards our gender type. But that doesn't mean we have to stick to that. When I was younger, I was quite a tom boy and preferred to play with cars and tanks. I was bought two dolls as a young girl and they both lived on top of my wardrobe and never played with, by me.

So, back to the Woman alive magazine which I'm finding very enjoyable and recommend it to both women and men, especially those who want to read a magazine that isn't full of Jeremy Kyle show stories, celebrity trauma, or pictures of stunningly beautiful airbrushed ladies.

Can you imagine if the Bible was written for a specific gender.

Bible Binge

2011-01-03T19:57:00.000Z

I have eaten far too much during the holidays and I can feel the affect in my body. I'm sluggish, heavy, more tired and my clothes feel a little tight. I think I've given a new meaning to binge eating; it's, don't eat much throughout the year and then gorge your face in one week during Christmas.

Food isn't the only thing I binge on. I binge drink, binge exercise and binge fast (if that's possible). But the worst thing I binge at is bible reading. I could go days, even weeks without reading God's word and then during a binge moment I cram a few chapters of a long book from the bible or read a few books all in one go.

I can feel the effects every time I binge bible read. I'm more positive, uplifted, focused, inspired, encouraged, challenged and well fed. Am I not discipline enough to consistently read the bible or just lazy?

We all know that everything in moderation is good. Eating little and often keeps our metabolism going which in affect keeps our weight down. A glass of red wine a day is good for preventing heart disease, but if we eat too much food we get fat and if we drink too much wine in one go on a continual basis, it can cause heart disease.

Feeding ourselves with the Word, will sustain us, build us up and help us to live healthy lives. It teaches us about Jesus, shows us how to love ourselves and others and even warns us of things.

Instead of binging on the bible, I should be feeding myself with it more than I feed myself with food. Jesus said "man does not live on bread alone but by every word that comes from the mouth of God"(Matthew 4:4) God's word is a sword that we can use in spiritual combat. If we don't know it, we can't use it. And the only way to learn it, is by reading it, digesting it, meditating on it and obeying it, daily.

Happy Birthday to me!

2011-01-02T18:47:00.000Z

It's my birthday today and as I'm now 36 years old, I'm getting closer to forty and further away from thirty, and further still from twenty. Age is funny don't you think? For many it seems to symbolize far more than what it actually is, just a number.

Every birthday I get asked by someone what it feels like to be the age that I am. How can anyone actually answer that 'cause age isn't a feeling, it's a number. It's a state of mind, it's whatever you want it be or how you see it. I remember thinking in my teens, to be forty was to be old, but that's because it was more than twenty years in my future and I was living in the then. Even when my parents were the age I am now and I was in my mid teens, I saw them as getting on a bit.

If someone asked me whether I feel more mature now I'm a year older, I could answer that. So do I feel more mature? Yeah a little, but I also feel like I did five years ago and sometimes even ten years ago. I see pushing forty is an opportunity to grow more mature and I have no worries about it getting older. I've been doing it all my life.

Maybe when I'm nearing fifty, I may start to see age as what it is, aging, and not just a number.

A new year, a new plan.

2011-01-01T18:07:00.000Z

Is God's plan flexible or adaptable, or is being flexible or adaptable part of the plan?

I plan to write a blog everyday this year, but knowing how busy my life can be at times, writing a blog everyday is more unrealistic than achievable. I know I need to be more organised, and that's part of my plan too. However, it's really hard to stick to a plan when someone or something else messes them up.

Our new year's eve party went to plan. It ended the old plan and marked the beginning of the new plan and friends and family who came helped fill in the middle with their plan. Here's to a new year, new life, new way of thinking, and a new way of living; being part of God's plan.

My little sis Cheree and I jumping for joy.

Cheree and me again.

Our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Waiting anticipatively as it's almost time for the new plan to begin.

My husband John feeling the love.

My Created Cards

2010-12-14T17:18:00.008Z

Every year I make Christmas cards. I usually do them in August so that they are out of the way, but this year I started them a couple weeks ago and have finished thirty five. John wants me to make about twenty more for the people at his work before next week, but I'm not worried 'cause I know I'll get them done. I am very good at reaching deadlines, even if it means a mass panic near the end. Here's one of my designs.
This is what I used to make them. A4 black card card in half which will make two cards. (Also, one piece of A4 card cut in half, then in quarters, will be used for the actual design and placed on top of the silver paper which is used as a border).

Some pritt stick, scissors, sticky pads, silver gel pen and silver paper, which is actually wrapping paper. I also used C5 envelops which is the perfect size for the cards.

Here I've drawn the hill side, a stable with baby Jesus, Mary and Joseph and the outline of one of the wise men.

On this design I've chosen the scripture from John 3:16
Her I am with some sticky pads on the underside of my design and about to place it onto the silver paper. My daughter Vitoria also managed to get into the picture.

Here are some more of my cards and different ideas for what to write.
I really enjoy making my own cards, especially when I have something to say from the heart.

Church lunch

2010-12-12T16:25:00.006Z

A few times throughout the year we have a church lunch. Here we have some church members enjoying the Christmas lunch today.

Here's John, our daughter Turaya, my sister Cheree, my son Morgan and one of the Newberrys; Gereth eating together. Have you noticed all the plates are in front of John. It looks like he's a sitting dustbin.

Cheree and Morgan.

Traditionally the men do all the washing up and drying. Here's the proof.

It was lovely being together and eating great food, it makes me think about the early church and how they came together daily to eat. I'm not sure I could eat with that amount of people daily, but I do love sharing food and eating with others.

I wonder who had to do all the clearing up when Jesus fed 5000 people.

Toddler Christmas Party

2010-12-09T19:05:00.006Z

Today we had a Christmas party at our toddler group in church. Turaya is running about here, looking happy.
This is John, my husband as Santa and our daughter Vitoria on his knee.

Turaya, our other daughter was not happy to see her dad dressed up as Santa. I think she was a bit disappointed not to meet the real Santa.

I made these cheese sandwiches and used star and bell shaped cutters to give them a more interesting shape to eat.

Vitoria and Turaya, who soon cheered up, having a rest from the party to eat.

It was a great day, all the kids behaved really well with each other and the mum's had a chance to catch up and talk about next week's Christmas meal that we will all be going to. We even had a friend who's a beauty therapist, come and give us a little pampering. It involved putting out hands in hot wax, (which was actually very hot), then wrapping them in clingfilm and then sit for ten minutes with our hands inside what can only be described as giant mittens or oven gloves. It was lovely and my hands felt very smooth and soft after.

Cloning places

2010-11-05T09:21:00.006Z

I'm sitting in Costa coffee in town and thinking about how much I enjoy coming here. I have a great relationship with the staff, although it's not at the point where we can hang out together outside of costas, yet! But, at the moment, when I use my local costa, the staff and I have great banter with each other, share information about our lives together, even discuss current affairs with each other. It's nice, it's comfortable, and I love spending my leisure time here.

The only thing I don't like about my local Costas, is the decoration. The photos they have hanging on the wall are, in my opinion, not very creative. Also, every Costas I've been in, share these same photos. Now I know that's expected when we visit a chain of franchised coffee shops, stores, fast food restaurants, they all look the same, organised the same and delivered the same as each other, but where's the identity and individuality and what if one or some of them start to get a bad name for their service, does that mean they all will?

I think if church followed the same way of doing things, cloning themselves to other churches, then they're in danger of being labeled with the way if something goes wrong with one of them or the people attending won't like the rigid structure of how the Sunday morning service is run, even if 'it's working' in the other cloned church.

God created us uniquely, so why do we try to be the same as everyone else?

I don't think the cloning of shops, churches, schools etc. is the real issue here. I think it's the relationships that go on inside these places that's important. It's getting to know each other, supporting each other, being a listening ear for someone, or sign posting people to those who can help if we can't, but that would only happen if we knew who and what was available in our local areas, and that only happens after we've established or invested in relationships with strangers and friends.

People are not cloned, so why do places have to be?

I'm an ENFP

2010-10-30T19:18:00.003+01:00

When I left school I went to art college, but during my second year I decided I wanted to become a counsellor and so changed courses and started studying Psychology, as part of the course I had to do a personality test and I came out as an ENFP. I wasn't convinced it was accurate as I have a theory that the tests calculations are based on how we feel at the time of taking them, therefore they could be changeable, like our thoughts and feelings. However, I have taken the test four times, once at college, then at University, then at work and now recently and each time I've come out as an ENFP.

This suprises me, mainly because I am now a Christian and I feel and know I have changed as a person. The test tells me my character is the same, but my spirit tells me I am different. In view of this, I know psychology is theory but the results are uncannily similar to who I am as a person. But my personality isn't going to heaven, my spirit is.

If you're interested in finding out your personality type go to www.personalitytest.net or www.humanmetrics.com

Below is the personailty type that I am, an ENFP, (The Idealist- Champion also known as The Inspirer)

Champions are rather rare, say two or three percent of the population, but even more than the others they consider intense emotional experiences as being vital to a full life. Champions have a wide range and variety of emotions, and a great passion for novelty. They see life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil, and they want to experience all the meaningful events and fascinating people in the world. The most outgoing of the Idealists, Champions often can't wait to tell others of their extraordinary experiences. Champions can be tireless in talking with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out. And usually this is not simple storytelling; Champions often speak (or write) in the hope of revealing some truth about human experience, or of motivating others with their powerful convictions. Their strong drive to speak out on issues and events, along with their boundless enthusiasm and natural talent with language, makes them the most vivacious and inspiring of all the types.

Fiercely individualistic, Champions strive toward a kind of personal authenticity, and this intention always to be themselves is usually quite attractive to others. At the same time, Champions have outstanding intuitive powers and can tell what is going on inside of others, reading hidden emotions and giving special significance to words or actions. In fact, Champions are constantly scanning the social environment, and no intriguing character or silent motive is likely to escape their attention. Far more than the other Idealists, Champions are keen and probing observers of the people around them, and are capable of intense concentration on another individual. Their attention is rarely passive or casual. On the contrary, Champions tend to be extra sensitive and alert, always ready for emergencies, always on the lookout for what's possible.

Champions are good with people and usually have a wide range of personal relationships. They are warm and full of energy with their friends. They are likable and at ease with colleagues, and handle their employees or students with great skill. They are good in public and on the telephone, and are so spontaneous and dramatic that others love to be in their company. Champions are positive, exuberant people, and often their confidence in the goodness of life and of human nature makes good things happen.

Joan Baez, Phil Donahue, Paul Robeson, Bill Moyer, Elizibeth Cady Stanton, Joeseph Campbell, Edith Wharton, Sargent Shriver, Charles Dickens, and Upton Sinclair are examples of Idealist Champions

A Place to Pray

2010-10-28T13:22:00.018+01:00

Jesus would speak to his Heavenly Father anytime, anyplace and in any situation. He would talk openly to God, on a mountain, in the garden, alone and in front of people. He would pray for and with others, he prayed in times of need and in times of joy. Jesus spoke to God about everything and anything, and he did it continually. Often though, he would go to an isolated place to seek a time of silence so he could spend some quality time with His Father. He didn't always have a designated place or time to talk to God, instead, he made a place and time.

We can make a place to. For us, more and more designated places are being set up around the world so we can go and spend time away from our daily life, stress, work and noise to be with God in prayer, they're called Prayer Rooms. I have recently helped to set up a Prayer Room within my church's new town centre base called Number Seven. The centre was launched on Sunday 19th September and our first 24/4 started Monday 20th September. Here are some photos from that week;

In this photo, we have the map of the world showing some information about countries where Christianity is either illegal or Christians are being persecuted for their faith. The information comes from Christian Solidarity Worldwide. In the corner are various practical inspirations for prayer, such as stones that people can write names or situations onto in permanent ink for others to pray for. A plant pot to place wooden sticks in to symbolise growth for maturity and faith in Christian friends and families. There is also a bottle for people to place pebbles into for general prayers.

Hanging in front of the window are some cutout figures. They are to inspire people to pray for friends, families, groups or organisations who either haven't met Jesus yet, or need his love in their lives or situations. In the corner is a secluded place for people to maybe contemplate the death and resurrection of our Lord or to just sit at the cross. On the small table is a wipe board to encourage people to write the things they find hard to verbalise to God and others.

On the board below are hand and feet stickers which have current local, international or future ministry possibilities written on them.

Inspirational quote from C.H.Spurgen and a glass jar containing inspirational scripture for prayer.
The wailing wall is for people to cry out to God and to express themselves creatively.
Our first prayer week had some prayer slots missing which I find greatly disappointing but have since learned that it maybe due to lack of communication or forgetfulness. However, the feedback from those who did set time apart to spend time with God at the prayer room have come to me full of inspiration, encouragement and a new love for prayer.

Number Seven is also the base where Street Pastors Diss will run from and we will have three to four prayer pastors intercessing in the prayer room while the Street Pastors are walking about town. The launch of Street Pastors Diss was on the last night of our prayer week and about twenty people turned up to pray for the Street Pastors and to end our first prayer week.

Occult Epicentre

2010-07-25T18:19:00.006+01:00

I'm beginning to realise that I live in a town which has a gravitational pull for the Occult.

Years ago, I use to be heavily into the Occult, I attended a Spiritualist church for 15 years and I even practised Wicca for a few years. During those dark days I would meet up with a friend and we would read the Bible together daily. She too was into the Occult and introduced me to something called the Scole Experiment. The Scole Experiment chronicles the results of a five-year investigation into life after death. We were both fascinated with the Scole experiment, until one day my friend became a Christian and didn't want to talk about that anymore.

We continued to meet up daily to read the bible and she would tell me about her experiences with Jesus but I couldn't relate to her because I didn't know Jesus. Time went on, we remained friends and my family and I decided to move to Diss.

One day while walking about the new town I had moved to, a book called the Scole Experiment caught my eye in the window of a book shop. So I went in and bought it. While reading it, I found out that this group of people who met up regularly came together in a village called Scole. Scole is the next village to Diss, where I had moved to.

A couple months after moving to Diss, Jesus entered my life and suddenly I could see out of the darkness and started to dispose of anything I had that was related to the Occult, including the Scole Experiment book.

Now this past year or so I have been avoiding anything and anyone that has anything to do with the Occult including close friends of mine who practise it, because I feared I might get seduced back into the Occult. But during the last few months, God has been talking to me about this, telling me he is victorious and that I belong to him, but I had been feeling doubtful and ignored what he was saying until recently.

God gave me a revelation last week. He told me Diss is the epicentre for the Occult. Suddenly, it all made sense to me. I always felt like I had been pulled to Diss but I didn't know it was from God back then. I believed it was part of the Occult, especially because of the Scole experiment and also Diss and the surrounding villages have lay lines running through it.

I have recently been told that Satan worshippers use to meet up in the golf course in Diss and throw out curses, such as marriage brakedowns, car accident, and they even spoke curses into tapes and unravel the tape all about the town.

I know and believe it was part of God's plan. I know so much about the Occult, Spiritualism and even Wicca, but I know and have a relationship with Jesus, Lord of all, Creator of everything, and the most Almighty God. He has already won the battle against Satan, prince of darkness, the one that brings fear, pride and anger.

God gave me Psalm 23 a few weeks ago, and then again last week when he told me about the darkness around Diss. Fortunatly for Diss, we are Christians who can pray against the darkness here and pray for blessings instead.

'even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil'

Whom then shall I fear? No one!!

An observer's perspective

2010-07-08T17:18:00.000+01:00

Norfolk Sheriff on streets with stars of night

High Sheriff of Norfolk, and well-known stockbroker, Charlie Barratt recently spent a night on the streets of Norwich with the Norfolk Street Pastors. Here is his own story of what happened.

Returning home at 3.00am, I creep into my warm soft bed and reflect on an extraordinary evening.

Norwich, and indeed the whole of England, was in a state of shock - England 0 V Algeria 0, but perhaps this non-event played out by overpaid primadonas puts the ‘real world’ in perspective.

There really are ‘Good Samaritans’, not just in The Holy Land, but in Norwich as well and I met them on Friday night.

Strengthened and protected by prayer, the group of six, and me as an observer, set out at 10pm to quietly roam the streets of Norwich.

Princes Street, St Andrews Hill, London Street, Gentleman’s Walk, Brigg Street, Timberhill, Rouen Road, King Street, Riverside, Prince of Wales Road, Upper King Street, Tombland and back to the United Reformed Church at 2am.

As we went up and up Prince of Wales Road, the skirts also rose higher and higher, but this was all good fun of the young enjoying themselves.

Calling and visiting the regular people of the night, the Salvation Army soup kitchen, the Waterside, we spoke to hot dog and ice-cream sellers, we spoke to bouncers and Police, we visited the SOS bus, all of whom knew, loved and respected the ‘Street Pastors’.

But, above all, we looked in every nook and cranny for the ‘lost souls’ and the homeless. Those suffering from alcohol, drugs, depression and loneliness - no stone was left unturned. A few words of comfort, help, support and love; a biscuit bar and hot cup of coffee; and one could see faces turn from anxiety and depression into warmth, love and a smile.

From a personal point of view, I set out with nervousness and like the gentile I ‘passed on the other side’ to begin with. But with the Pastors’ own confidence and strength, I started talking to the poor souls hunched with blankets and dogs in doorways and I too began to smile and realised these all had a story to tell (they just needed somebody to tell them to and listen).

I had no fear, I did not feel the cold, or tire at the hour, and to cap it all I met a friendly face who often sells the Big Issue for a final chat before leaving the Street Pastors for another two hours' work.

England is a good place. The homeless and the party goers are all good people - but the Street Pastors really are ‘the stars of the night’.

It was a pleasure and a privilege to come out with them for an evening - I now know who ‘The Good Samaritan’ really was.

Pictured above is High Sheriff of Norfolk Charlie Barratt with some Norfolk Street Pastors.

Communing with individuals

2010-06-28T10:13:00.005+01:00

Just when I think I know what to do, God mixes it up and leaves me confused again.

I am an individual person, I never followed the crowd as a young person and I still don't follow the crowd now. I am a natural leader, but I prefer to be led, that's what's confusing. Being part of a church means doing what everyone else is doing, even though I don't always agree, and following Jesus is really hard at times especially as he is all loving, all compassionate, all understanding and all forgiving, which I just can't continually do.

Being an individual enables me to blend into almost every circle, but it also leaves me feeling stuck out and not quite part of the group or have any input into what's going on.

God has been speaking to me about this for quite a while, he tells me I am unique, I am sanctified, and no one else is like me, He created me that way. And I know this, I have always felt different from others, set apart and not really fitting in. I often speak to God about this, I'm always saying to him, "if you have created me this way then how can I integrate into the world to serve you if I don't really fit in the world?", "Why do I feel the need to live in community but get annoyed when people aren't meeting my needs?". God's answer to me is, love me and others, follow Jesus, make him your centre, turn to me always in times of need.

Hah, I always think, I don't live with Jesus, I don't hang out with him on Earth, he can't change the baby's nappy when it's dirty, kiss Turaya's finger when she hurt's it, mediate between sibling rivalry, make the partner happy, etc., etc. All the practical things.

However, I know this is basic Christianity and picking up my cross daily helps my mind as well as my heart, but I think I'm beginning to realise that being an individual means to always feel lonely, bored, discontent and always feeling the need to be around others, to feel accepted, wanted, needed, liked. Why does it have to be that way?
God has made me to be who I am to bring him glory, as an individual I find that easy. It's being part of a community that sometimes causes me to forget who I am and I then start to morph into who others want me to be. This is when the confusion happens. I want to get back to being an individual so I can develop and mature into who God planned me to be and help bring God's Kingdom on Earth.

Condeming the convicted

2010-05-29T17:01:00.005+01:00

Something I've been thinking a lot about lately and that's Christians correcting other Christians. I know it's biblical for Christian brothers and sisters to tell each other when they are doing wrong but considering we all sin pretty much everyday, I just feel that what starts out as loving correction, ends with me feeling judged and not so good about myself.

I'm all for constructive criticism, and I can handle it from my friends and family every once in a while, but not all the time. I want their role in our relationship to be more supportive, encouraging and loving. I prefer the corrective stuff from people who I don't have a close relationship with, someone who is a lot older than me or someone I would think highly of.

I have said many times lately that if I'm truly doing, thinking or behaving wrongly then 'cause I have a relationship with Jesus, He would tell me through the Holy Spirit and I would feel convicted.

I visited a website today for the first time about the cult group called the Jesus Christians and the first quote I read was 'Condemnation is from the devil and Conviction is from the Holy Spirit'. I thought, that's very interesting as it's something similar to what I've been feeling lately and so I read more, with caution, what they had to say about that. It was very enlightening and true to what I think, mainly that condemnation doesn't lead to change but more negativity where as the conviction from the Holy Spirit leads to change and fruitfulness.

I know that I've been quite judgemental and condemning lately and it is something that God has been talking to me a lot about lately. Even this morning while I was washing my face I was thinking judgementally about someone and suddenly I felt a scratching in my eye. Of course there was nothing there but I know it was God's way of telling me the scripture, 'How can you say to your brother, let me take the speck out of your eye, when all the time there is a plank in your own eye.'

I don't want to be condemed anymore from my friends because it makes me wonder when judging begins and correction stops?

A new ministry?

2010-05-27T14:35:00.008+01:00

A few weeks ago I felt God call me to a new ministry. It was a similar process to how I got involved in Street Pastoring, which all began with a feeling inside that I 'wanted to care for people'. When I googled that sentence the results that stood out was 'pastoral care'. So I started to google pastoral care until I came across a website called 'Network Norwich and Norfolk' which is a Christian website. At the bottom of the website was an advertisement saying 'Street Pastors needed in Norwich'. As I was reading it, I felt more and more convinced that this is what God has placed on my heart. So I applied, had an interview and was accepted on the course and a few months later I became a Street Pastor
streetpastors.co.uk

Now, like I said, I feel God calling me to a new ministry and felt drawn towards the Soul Survivor event this year. So I scanned their website and looked up 'get involved'. Here I felt interested in volunteering on the Fringe team, which is 'a team of people who'll be particularly involved in finding and befriending those on the fringes of the event and giving them opportunities to feel included. This doesn't mean forcing them to become Christians or to attend all of the main meetings, but simply letting them know they are loved and that we love to have them with us on site'.

So I've applied and I received their CRB check form yesterday. However, something doesn't feel right about the whole thing. I don't seem to have the same passion or interest in going and volunteering at Soul Survivor. I feel emotionally and spiritually empty. Some may say that I should still go 'cause 'it will be good for me', but I don't think it's right to do something for God and serve others if your heart isn't in it.

I guess I'll just have to wait on God or pull at his leg so he and reach down and pick me up out of this depressive state I've fallen into.

Claustrophobic with life

2010-05-07T13:10:00.009+01:00

Over the last couple of months I have started to feel quite claustrophobic with life and I've been struggling with my spiritual walk too. It just all seems too much and I don't feel like I'm coping very well. But I must be, because God won't allow me to deal with things I can't handle, but then I have this overwhelming sense that somethings aren't right and I might just crack soon.

Then a couple of weeks ago I got this picture of a plant in a pot that was too small for it. As the plant grows above the pot the roots within its pot grow too. Eventually the roots fill the pot, taking over the soil, and the plants growth rate decreases, and if left like this the plant will die. To prevent the plant from dying and to encourage more growth it needs to be transferred to a bigger pot.

I feel like that plant. I feel like I have outgrown the place in which I live and I'm being starved of spiritual, emotional and relational soil in which to feed from. I need a bigger pot and richer compost to be planted in that will help me grow and become more fruitful.

Another soul saved!

2010-04-06T16:26:00.005+01:00

After the Easter service at church on Sunday, my sister gave her life to Jesus which is totally fantastic.

When we got home, I was explaining to her about being baptised in water and whether she would like to do that at our church and if so when 'cause it would need to be organised. I then suggested she could get baptised at a local river if she didn't want to do it at church. Surprisingly, she said "yes, let's do that today."

For a moment I thought, we can't because this person needs to be told and that thing needs to be sorted first and or course everyone needs to be there and it's just too short notice.

But then I saw the peace and excitement on her face and I noticed the freedom she had just received. So I thought, yeah we can do that, I've baptised people before, I know what to do and how to do it, just because it's not in a strategic manner doesn't make it not valid. These thoughts caused me to realise how caught up in churchianity I am and how I prevent myself from growing more in God because I allow myself to get caught up in bureaucracy and worry too much about doing things wrong.

But it felt right and unfortunatly John was at work so Mark and I took Cheree to Knettishall Heath. We read from the bible, gave her a Word and prayed. Then walked into the water which was absolutely and painfully freezing, (so cold that my legs started to burn), and by the confession of her faith baptised her in the Holy Trinity.

It was quick, simple and humble and totally authentic. She gave her life and wanted to follow Jesus straight away by getting baptised on the same day. All she needs now it to be baptised in the Holy Spirit. I can't wait for that to happen.

Time with God

2010-03-16T16:12:00.004Z

My sister is coming to live with us and I have just spent four and half hours painting the garage which is where she will be sleeping. I absolutely love painting, whether it be decorating or fine art. It allows me to be on my own and gives me a great chance to spend some quality time with God. I do pray regularly but I never talk to God as well as I do as when I'm painting.

My body now aches a little from going up and down the step ladder, but it's a good work out. I also feel quite spiritually energized and a whole lot more at peace. It's amazing the difference a few hours praying can do. Unfortunately, I can't sustain quality pray time for that many hours on a regular basis because I have a large family who take up a lot of my time and when I do have some time to myself, I often feel like a complete zombie and if I start to pray I might actually fall asleep.

I've heard that Christians like Billy Graham and Smith Wigglesworth who prayed for hours at a time, led thousands of people to Jesus and contributed to making a massive spiritual impact on others. I know it may not have anything to do with the quantity of prayer time they were involved in but rather the quality. I struggle with quality prayer time, unless I'm relaxed or painting. I just feel so overwhelmed with everything, and the ironic thing is, I know God can help me with everything and anything, if only I had enough time to just sit with Him and allow Him to help me.

Is it selfish to want to be on my own with God for hours?

How fast is too fast?

2010-03-13T16:29:00.004Z

I was driving my son Mason to football this morning, and sticking to the speed limit of 50mph. I was a good distance from the car in front and we were moving along nicely. I kept checking my speed along the way which was a constant 50mph.

Then, the next time I checked my speed the speedometer read 10mph, it had stopped working. I had a sudden panic, as I didn't know what speed I was doing. I knew it must still be 50mph because I hadn't broke at anytime, or pressed the accelerator any harder and I was still the same distance from the car in front. I drove like that for a couple miles, not knowing how fast or slow I was going and only relying on the vehicles around me, hoping they were sticking to the speed limit so that I could too.

As quick as the speedometer stopped working, it returned to normal and I was able to read what speed I was traveling at. It's never done that before, and it hasn't done it since, it's amazing how much we rely on a speedometer to tell us how fast or slow we're going.

It got me thinking about God's speed. Sometimes it feels like He is taking too slow to answer prayer and other times He answers them impossibly quick. Or He puts us through a slow maturing process and at other times it feels like a fast track programme. Either way, we can't read God's speed because He doesn't have a speedometer, but if we put Him in the driver's seat of our life, we won't need a speedometer either.

Wings of Love

2010-03-02T14:07:00.002Z

I have just bought a poster of the above picture. It is a reproduced image of Steven Pearsons 'Wings of Love'.

My mum and dad use to have a copy on our front room wall when I was about three years old. I remember staring at it for ages when I was younger. I remember thinking how beautiful and peaceful it looked.

For the past few years I have thought about the painting and asked my parents what they'd done with it, but neither of them remember and both suggested it got lost or thrown out during one of our many moves. But I found a copy on ebay and after years of wanting it, I've finally bought it.

It's now on my wall in the front room and everytime I look at it I love it even more. Also, it reminds me of happier times in my childhood, when both my parents were happy too.

However, I'm not sure alot of people will approve of it being on display in the front room because of the nudity, but when God created man and woman, they were naked and shameless. It was sin that made their nudity shameful. But as I think about God's victory and the blood of Christ who washed my sin away I can look at the painting and feel no shame.

What's the reality?

2010-02-16T14:20:00.006Z

I love this painting, it shows a scene of spiritual warfare. The waves represents evil, depicting darkness through the colour, and the demonic creatures that form the top of the wave. The anticipating force of the sea as it gathers tens of feet above the vulnerable sailors below. The ship at off center has already capsized, but men in two sail boats have managed to escape.

However, one of them is heading away from the wave, and the other straight toward it. My initial thought as I look at the boat heading toward the wave is, go the other way, don't row toward the danger, but then I notice the wave isn't as high in front of them and the demonic creatures are facing away from them and more toward the ship and other sail boat in the center of the painting. I know that when the wave comes down it is going to crash straight into the rest of the ship and the other sail boat destroying them both.

Meanwhile, a bright light has formed in the sky opposite the wave and coming out of the sky are a legion of angels, some on horses and some flying. They are ready for battle and heading straight toward the darkness. They are calm, secure and confident.

My interpretation of this painting is; the sea represents our life, constantly moving and changing, sometimes it's calm and sometimes it's rough. The ship signifies artificial necessitates (worldly thoughts, desires, and securities), the enemy has convinced us that we need a ship to sail the sea. But when the sea becomes extremely rough and dangerous, not even a ship is going to protect us as shown in this painting. The sail boats represent activity, decisions or choices. The boat closest to the ship tells me that being inactive, not making a decision or choice soon enough, will cause us to go down with the ship because it was too late to act.

Where as the other boat, far away from the ship and heading out to sea has a greater chance of survival because they acted quick, knew that it was already a dangerous place to be where the ship was and needed to get away from that spot.

We don't need a ship or even a boat to sail the sea, we just need Jesus. Our desires, thoughts and securities should be in Him. He walked on water and called Peter onto the water too. Peter did, and he too walked on water, but then Peter took his eyes of Jesus he started to sink. If we put everything into the world and not in Jesus, when a wave comes crashing down, we'll sink with the ship.

This is of course my interpretation and the only reality in the painting is what's going on above the sea. The spiritual battle between good and evil, angels and demon, Jesus and Satan. That's the reality. When need to start thinking about that instead.

Human Doing!

2010-02-02T16:04:00.004Z

It has been a very long time since I kept a blog, and the main reason why that is, is because I just have too much to write about. Now I know that sounds odd but I find it hard to write about one subject without going of on a tangent and losing sense and focus of what I'm trying to say.

I am the same in life too. I like to do lots of different things. Someone recently said I have my fingers in many pies, and it's true. I have done many courses in lots of different subjects, I have had lots of different jobs and I like to live in lots of different places. I guess I either get bored very easily, I have a low attention span or I'm just interested in everything.

I like verity, I like to learn, and I like adventures experiences. I just like to doing stuff. I'm not satisfied with the normality of life, and it's not enough to just be content with the mundane, there is so much more than that to do.

I'm not a human being, I'm a human doing, who needs to be doing different things to feel alive. I was created to live life to the full.

My glorious children

2009-09-04T19:12:00.010+01:00

This is my 13 year old son Morgan (who is already the same height as his dad), ready for his 12 day training camp with the Diss Royal Engineers Army Cadets. He came back as the camp winner in Archery out of 300 other cadets.

This is my 2 year old daughter Turaya who is as bright and bubbly as her older brother Mason (pictured below).

This is my 10 year old (soon to be 11) son Mason. He is a real character, full of integrity, bold as brass and smarter than John and I put together. We have our work cut out with this one.

Mason, Turaya and Morgan last Christmas.

This is my latest addition to populating the Earth, little Vitoria. She is soooo cute and tiny and just sleeps, sleeps and sleeps. We have been blessed by God with our children. Thank you Lord!

Sunny days

2009-05-29T10:09:00.004+01:00

There's just something about warm sunny weather that makes me feel alive. Just like a flower that opens up, blossums and grows better in the summer. I always feel more energised and raring to go this time of year.

However, it annoys me that I don't feel this way on a cold, dark and damp day. That type of weather has it's benefits too, I just always seem to feel lethargic on those days.

Anyway, today is a lovely glorious day, but we're not doing anything or going anywhere because everything is too expensive and I'm not the walking type either unless it's on a beach or sometype of moutain range where I can see for miles.

Quick update, John has just come in from the garden and decided that we should all go swimming. We're going to a pool out of town because it's free for children, so now we have something to do on this glorious day that doesn't cost a bomb.

See ya, I'm off to get changed.

I'm traumatised!

2009-05-20T17:04:00.003+01:00

I'm physically traumatised!

It all started during the night when I didn't have much sleep, which could have been due to my anxiety or excitement about my last exam today. Then at college, Emily wanted me to colour her hair which of cause is no problem because I know what I'm doing, but I only had a short time to foil her hair before I was due for a pedicure in the beauty department and I didn't want to be late, (I still have time control problems and it's really annoying when a client is late for an appointment and I didn't want to be one of those annoying clients). Anyway I was late, but only just.

Once I'd stopped squirming in my seat as the beautician performed her treatment on my feet and I got over the fact that she was also going to cut my toes, I started to relax and enjoy it. She did a great job and painted them a lovely red colour, which they will now be until I have the baby and I can paint them myself.

I was told my exam was at 1p.m. but when I arrived it was actually booked for 3p.m. Fortunately it was later rather than earlier. So my friends and I went for lunch, during which I decided I'd like my eyebrows waxed, something which I have never had done before. So I went to the salon reception to book the waxing and was convinced (bullied) into having my bikini line and arm pits waxed at the same time because the student still needed clients for these assessments. I reluctantly agreed and convinced myself at least it will look nice for the birth.

Anyway, by now it was 2p.m. and the student had less than an hour to do all three treatments so I could get to my exam on time. Without going into great detail about the treatments, it wasn't all too bad but I left the salon with just 5mins to go before my exam, bruised, sore, stinging but fuzz free.

To top all the trauma the exam was the most difficult I've had to do (mainly anatomy and biology) and there were a few questions we as a whole class were never taught. But due to elimination and logic I was able to work out the answers and passed, getting only one wrong. Wahoooo! No more exams or assessments.

Trauma, stress and anxiety over. Oh, apart from one day after half term when I'll be doing ear piercing, not on me though, I'll be doing it to others.

I like cutting.

2009-05-14T15:56:00.003+01:00

This week I've finished and passed all my practical assessments in hairdressing. Just one more exam next week and then it's all over and I'm a fully qualified hairdresser, wahooo!

Even though I'm finished I still attend college and will do for another three weeks, mainly because we still have clients coming to the salon who need their hair done which is all good practice for me before I'm let loose into the real world with a pair of scissors and some chemicals. I will also qualify as an ear piercer. I can't wait to start sticking holes into people.

In the meantime, when I'm at college and there isn't anything for me to do I'll be taking advantage of the beauty therapy section of our department because each treatment will only cost me £1. Yesterday I had my first ever facial which was a very relaxing but also an unnatural experience. There's just something not quite right about having another female so close to my face rubbing it with oils.

Next week I'm have a pedicure, french manicure and my eyelashes permed. I've never felt so pampered and oh so vain.

It's not a couch, it's me!

2009-05-11T16:28:00.005+01:00

I was supposed to intercede Saturday night for the Street Pastors in Norwich but this allergy I have has made me feel really ill lately and when I woke on Saturday morning I though I wouldn't be able to stay up all night praying, but I still wanted to go. But as the morning progressed and I felt worse it became clear that a decision had to be made. Either I'm going to go or I'm going to have to phone and say I can't make it.

In the end John made the decision and phoned to say I wouldn't be coming. I was so upset and angry that I couldn't go. I hate letting people down and I've been really trying to put my all into everything I'm doing lately. But I just feel like a big fat failure.

I know I'm pregnant and have an allergic reaction to something but there are so many other women out there with less energy, doing hard work. I believe I could better, I know I should do better, I know if I put everything into it I can achieve, but I just don't seem to be.

I've still got two more weeks at college then I'll be a qualified hairdresser, but I can't wash any one's hair anymore because my bump is in the way and I can't bend over because I get a back ache and soon I won't be able to reach people's head because I'm getting bigger.

The only thing I can do right now is continue to eat and say goodbye to the slim, ambitious, determined Tanya and sit and wait until I'm all hands and feet.

I'm poisoning myself

2009-05-08T19:02:00.003+01:00

I have been physically ill many times during this pregnancy and I keep having reaccuring colds. I have one at the moment which seems to have affected my emotions (it's more than just pregnancy hormones), but it also feels like I'm poisoned. I don't like to hassle Doctors especially for colds and I only see one if I think something is seriously wrong with me, but I decided to see a Doctor today about this constant cold as I'm worried it may effect the baby.

At the consultation and after various questions and examinations from the Doctor, his diagnosis is that I have an allergy to something. Part of me was quite shocked as I've never been allergic to anything in my whole life, but I also thought the whole feeling poisoned makes sense now, because I really am, by my own body.

An allergy is an abnormal reaction by a person's immune system against a normally harmless substance.

My thoughts now are, exactly what am I allergic to?

To blog or not to blog?

2009-02-06T19:18:00.004Z

When I was younger I use to keep a diary. I wrote because it was therapeutic, but I never wrote the whole truth about what I was doing, how I was feeling or what I thought about the people in my life. I was afraid of who might read it in case they were hurt by what I'd written or whether it was embarrassing or shameful. Keeping a diary that wasn't filled with the whole truth doesn't have much substance or reason to be kept and when my life became too traumatic I eventually stopped keeping a diary because writing about things made me feel like I was experiencing it all again. I didn't want to write it down anymore, I wanted to talk to someone, verbalise what's going on in the hope that someone could comfort, support, rescue and understand me.

I started blogging because I found it also therapeutic, and for a while I would receive a comment or feedback about what I'd written from friends and strangers. I actually felt listened to.

I am a very honest person and those who know me can be reassured that they know where they stand with me, but occasionally some people do or say things that are really hurtful or just stupid and because I don't want to get into a conflict or hurt them, I decide to keep those thoughts and feelings to myself. I only let certain people know what I'm really thinking and feeling and even these people don't know everything.

I haven't consistently blogged for a while because I've had a lot of thoughts and feelings that I just don't feel like sharing with anyone. I don't know if it's because it seems like my readers are no longer interested in what's going on in my life or whether I just don't need to write anything down anymore but keeping a blog just doesn't have the same affect it use to. I much prefer to talk to someone about how I'm feeling.

He did it for you!

2009-01-26T16:14:00.005Z

Jesus suffered mentally, physically and spiritually far more then we could ever comprehend or experience ourselves.

He did this for all of us!

I'm too young to have a teenage son.

2009-01-21T17:57:00.005Z

I can't believe my son is now a teenager, I'm too young!!

Waiting for our Japanese food, ummm.

Morgan is going to be a very tall. I already look up to him.

Funtimes

2009-01-12T16:13:00.004Z

How beautiful! My sister-in-law ain't that bad looking either.

Sense and sensibility.

Well, maybe.

Strutting our funky stuff! Burn that dance floor Val.

We're not faking it!

2008-12-17T10:45:00.003Z

About a week ago I went to Thurrock to stay with some family. John and I went to Lakeside to do a bit a shopping and that's when my anxiety and the onset of panic attacks started. I couldn't wait to get back to my family's home back into the bubble of protection and acceptance and wait there until it's time to go home.

Whenever I go back to Thurrock I always feel a little out of place, nervous and panicky, I can never understand why as this was a place I grew up, went to school and have many friends, only now I just don't feel like I belong there anymore.

As we were driving out of Thurrock towards home I started to feel panicky again. After talking to John about it, who also felt something similar to me, we realised that these feelings of nervousness, anxiety and not belonging may be because when we were living in Thurrock we were both living in darkness and sin. We have done and been involved in alot of sinful stuff back in Thurrock and many people from back then know that about us. But now we are two completely different people, cleansed by Jesus' blood, forgiven of our sins, and changed by the Holy Spirit.

These feelings we were experiencing may be due to the fact that our friends from the past can't or don't believe that we are no longer the people they grew up with and that we have changed. Our friends from the past are a reminder of how sinful we were and I guess we don't want to remember that. When Jesus went back to his home town he wasn't accepted for who he was because they remember him just as Joseph's son the carpenter.

John and I really have changed through the help of Jesus and we will run with him always. We're in it for the long haul. I've heard recently from a family member that we're faking it, we've not really changed and we'll soon give God up, that both saddens and angers me to think that someone doesn't know the power of God's love, doesn't realise that in Jesus all things are possible, doesn't realise that he forgives, and that he's worth everything.

Who would want to give God up?

Behind every great man...

2008-12-14T20:59:00.002Z

Happiness is...

Companionship is...

Partnership is...

Love is...all in this photo!

Be confidant in your creativity.

2008-11-28T10:07:00.005Z

This is one of God's creations, a Star nosed mole

I want to encourage people to be more creative and enjoy what they've created. Many times I've been told how good I am at drawing and painting, but I believe that everyone can be good at drawing and painting too. It's all about the uniqueness of creativity and loving what we do, what one person may think is beautiful another may think yuk! It's down to preference.

When God created the Earth and all that's in it, not everything is pleasing to the eye, but He created it all with love. When I'm being creative I love what I'm doing, it may not all come out looking how I envisaged it, but I still created it with all my love.

We all want to make something or be creative. We either want to create life, be part of a group of people who want to create something together, some of us like to make great food, I can go on and on about the many things each of us are doing to be creative.

We want to make things or be creative because when God created us and breathed life into us when we were born, he breathed his essence into us also. His essence of creativity.

So when you're doing something creative and you feel it hasn't come out right, worked well or doesn't look good, just think that everything you've created has come from love and to someone they will think it's great, and to God he will look upon it's uniqueness that you've created and smile with pleasure at what he sees, because he can see his essence working through you.

Go on, be creative!

Are you a smart ar**?

2008-11-20T16:37:00.003Z

Have you heard the expression 'no one likes a smart ar**'?

When I was at primary school I was teacher's pet, prefect and I received many stars for my work. In secondary school I was in top set for every subject, I was house captain and sport's captain. You could say I was an all rounder, the best at what I put my hands to. Towards the end of my school years I started to loose interest in my position and my school work and this may be due to a lot of trouble and issues in my home life. I left my coursework to the last minute and didn't revise for any exams. I wasn't much better when I started art collage. I didn't try my best throughout the course, I was out partying the night before my History of Art exam which I also didn't revise for, but I still managed to pass everything.

Some people may be happy with just passing the exams, but for me I felt like I'd cheated myself, I could have done better and got higher grades. The feeling of being disappointed in myself has manifested into low self esteem and lack of confidence in my abilities. Even when I left university with two degrees I still felt disappointed in myself.

I'm now training to be a hairdresser and once again I'm top of the class, only this time I'm not with equal peers of the same age where it's accepted to be either 'clever', 'thick', 'sporty' or just a kid in school, I'm with people who don't like having someone better than them.

I know I'm good at a lot of things and pick up information and new skills really quickly and that may sound arrogant, but is it a bad thing to want to do good and try my best?

Jesus warns us about boastfulness as it can lead to pride, but how do I feel good about what I'm doing without feeling proud? How do I stop appearing like a smart ar** when I'm naturally good at what I'm doing. I even tried to sabotage my haircutting today just so I could be like the rest and blend in a little. Is that right? Should I restrict my abilities just to make other people feel good about themselves and for them to like me? Should I keep what I'm good at inside?

I went for a walk earlier and passed an old derelict house. There's metal fencing around it, an overgrown garden and the doors and windows are boarded up. I thought to myself what a waste, such a beautiful house with great potential and it's just standing there redundant, and then I felt God say 'that will be you if you board your gifts up too'.

It's not right to be arrogant, but we're only arrogant to those who feel insecure about themselves. Who should we be pleasing, man or God?

When the honeymoon period is over.

2008-11-13T19:13:00.005Z

No one knows what tomorrow will bring except for our heavenly Father who controls everything. Does that mean there's no point in planning our future or to have any goals, because God has other ideas for us or an even greater plan?

I like to have goals and to plan things. I like to know what I'm doing tomorrow, next week, in a few months time. But I also like unexpectedness, things to just happen, spontaneity and flexibility. I'm a spontaneous planner, if that is such a characteristic trait to have. I think I'm also a bit of a control freak.

Throughout my life there have been things I wanted to do or have and sometimes they happen soon after I desire them and some have happened years later. But one thing I never wanted or ever expected to happen is to encounter Jesus and have him in my life. My life was ok and going pretty well and I had no need for Jesus, but God knew what was good for me and a couple years ago he hijacked my life and completely changed everything. Just after I'd opened the door to him and accepted him into my life, I use to wake up everyday feeling so excited, like it was Christmas, because I knew Jesus. But when the honeymoon period was over and God started to get to work on me, I use to moan at him constantly, 'why have you messed my life up?', ' I don't need you to help me cause I can do it on my own.' 'Everything was fine before you came along.' I was an immature Christian and sometimes felt that my life was better before God interfered with it. Too much was changing both around me and inside of me and I started to loose my identity, my friends, my desires. Sometimes I even felt that 'being' a Christian was too tough and I often wanted to turn my back on God and planned to ignore him for the rest of my life just so I could be me again, to do things my way and gain a bit of control back in my life.

Thankfully I didn't, because The Holy Spirit helped me stay strong in him and since I've stopped whining and became a little more obedient, I started to walk with Jesus instead of behind dragging my heels into the ground like a child. I've become more accepting and a little less obsessed with what happens during my life, after all it's not the journey that's important, it's the destination. Everything is clearer and I can see where I'm heading. I still like to plan stuff for my life and have goals, but if God comes in and changes those plans I know it's because he has better ideas for me and knows what's best. I really feel I know him lately and can look into his face without shame, it feels as though I've fallen in love with him again. The honeymoon period is back on. I'm so glad Jesus knocked on the door to my life .

Life doesn't always work out how we expected, but expect God to always work out our life.

Homeless love.

2008-10-21T13:37:00.003+01:00

My first night as a Street Pastor was Saturday night and the streets of Norwich was as I expected, a load of people all dressed up, some were particularly drunk, some were aggressive and some were overly friendly. What I didn't expect to see was the amount of homeless guys. Most of them already have a relationship with the Street Pastors and I wondered whether I would also. I wasn't sure my heart was in the right place when we left the Street Pastors H.Q. as I was still questioning why I was doing it. The only thing I felt was 'I love because God first loved me'. Is that enough to motivate us to love others? I naturally want to help people, because I can and know it's the right thing to do, but I just wasn't feeling it and couldn't help thinking I had an ulterior motive to gain browny points with God.

The first thing we did was meet with some homeless guys at the soup kitchen and generally gave them some time and a listening ear. Then as we walked about we met with more and more homeless people, attending to their needs, giving them some coffee and chocolates (which we carry around with us). One homeless girl I met is 11 weeks pregnant, we saw her a few times during the night and at one point she walked past me touching my head and as she turned round she gave me the biggest smile. It humbles me to think that my my circumstances are better than hers and yet she made an effort to reach out to me, making me feel accepted. She showed me God's love better than I was.

The rest of the night involved rubbing a guys back after he had puked, giving out flip flops to girls who could no longer walk in their shoes because they hurt too much, answer the main question we got all night 'what's a Street Pastor?' spoke about God with a few people, and spent an hour and half with two soldiers comforting them about what they have experienced and seen at war.

Where would Jesus be?

2008-10-18T12:10:00.003+01:00

Tonight is my first evening of Street Pastoring and I have a mixture of feelings about why I'm doing it. I'm looking forward to meeting other Christians, I'm excited to get out on the streets and tend to the needy, which also makes me feel sad that there are people out there in need, I'm anxious about what I may see on the streets, I'm not happy about how cold it will be tonight, I'm concerned about how tired I may feel, I'm worried that I may not like Street Pastoring, I'm frightened for my own safety and that of others and I have feelings of inadequacy for the role.

I still wonder how I became involved in the Street Pastors, why I agreed to do it, where it will led me, how did this all happen because it feels like a bit of a whirlwind and I've managed to get myself blown into it. Am I the right person for the role, do I really want to walk the streets at night serving people, will I make any difference to their life, and there's too many people to help so is there any point in trying to help everyone?

Of course I know it's God driven and helping just one person is better than not even trying to help any. I'm fired up for God and led by the Spirit to be the strength, the encourager, the comforter, the supporter and to show love to those who are drunk, aggressive, dirty, smelly, lost, homeless, annoying, ignorant, unloved and ignored.

Why am I doing it? I'm doing it because Jesus would.

Change is possible.

2008-10-10T16:39:00.003+01:00

Jesus was, is and is to come, He never changes, but His spirit can change us. Since becoming a Christian in 2006 He has re-arranged me so much that when old friends tell me things about what I've done or wanted or dreamed about, I don't recognise who they're talking about. Was that really me?

Jesus has saved me from the nothing I once was. He has made me real and breathed me to life. I heard Him call me, and I reached out to Him and He brought me out of the darkness. Not only has He given me His life so that I could live forever when I leave this place, but He has given me life while I'm still here.

All things are possible with Him and He can change anyone. If you believe that He created the Universe, impregnated Mary, walked on water and raised the dead, then changing the thoughts, behaviour and hearts of the most wicked of people must also be believable.

It will be good in the end

2008-10-02T22:29:00.003+01:00

In my in-laws house they have the following verse on the wall, 'And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God,' Romans 8:28, and for years I never really understood it, until now.

We had our house re-possessed today and we have 28 days to find somewhere to live. The council may not re-house us, and we may not be able to privately rent because not only do we have bad credit now but neither of us are working and not every landlord will take families on benefits. Our eldest son attends a very small privately run school and we can't get funding for him so he'll probably have to leave that soon. But I'm at college learning hairdressing which I'm loving and surprisingly good at, Mason is doing so much at school which he loves and John gets to spend so much time with Turaya singing and reading with each other.

So we have some good and bad things going on in our lives right now but God is working it all together and I'm sure it will come out good. It's a bit like a making a cake, each ingredient either tastes good or bad on their own but when they're mixed together and then baked, a lovely tasting cake is produced. So now I understand that all things either good or bad in our lives work together for good to those who love God.

He can do it!

2008-09-28T17:37:00.002+01:00

Jesus has been telling John and I lately, 'do you believe I can do it?' There's a lot of issues and worries in our life right now and sometimes we wonder how God can intervene and help us because some things just seem impossible to fix. I've found myself telling God 'if you do this, then that can happen', basically I've been thinking for God and trying to advise him on what to do.

Then the other morning while driving to college, all I could see for miles were fields and sky. There were patches of mist, different shades of green, scattered trees here and there and the orange sun low in the sky projected different colours up above. It was like looking at a masterpiece. Then I felt God say, look at what I did. Even though I already knew it, that God created everything, I sometimes forget that he can also do anything.

Two weeks ago at the Youth Cafe, a young couple had a big argument. The guy has been coming for months and we know him pretty well, he's childhood wasn't very nice, he's very anti-God and we often have conversations about Christianity. He self harms and is often drunk or on drugs. This particular night he was drunk and very paranoid, he was verbally abusive to his girlfriend to the point where she became very distressed. After I comforted her I went to speak to the guy to calm things down, and he became aggressive and verbally abusive towards me. Most drunk people have no boundary perception and tend to stand up close when they talk to someone, I had him standing close to me swearing in my face.

After a while I managed to calm him down and by then end of the night he and his girlfriend were lovey dovey again. Then last Friday night they were there again, he came straight up to me and apologised for his behaviour the previous week. He told me he drew me a picture but had left it at his girlfriend's house but would bring it to me on Sunday at church. 'At church?' I said.

He and his girlfriend decided they wanted to come to church today. When I arrived this morning, there they were. I couldn't believe it. He gave me the picture and they stayed for for the worship and service. They even broke bread with John and me. Then as the service came to an end and prayer was offered, I asked the guy whether he wanted to go to the front for prayer. At first he asked if I would go for prayer but I said no and encouraged him to go instead. He and his girlfriend got up straight away and went to the front where they received prayer. A lot of us who know him were very shocked by the whole thing. It's amazing that he turned up, stayed and wanted prayer.

Jesus is calling him and has softened his heart to respond to God's love. I thank God that I can witness to him, support him and encourage him as he takes a step closer to God. And although over the months I've often thought this guy is hard work and he'll never accept Jesus, Jesus has shown me that he can do it.

Keep your armour on

2008-09-21T18:54:00.004+01:00

Yesterday at the Street Pastors training we learnt some listening and counselling skills which was a little boring for me as I've got ten years experience in counselling and therapy but it was a good way of getting to know the other pastors better. Then we listened to the Police about what happens on the streets in Norwich at night and how they respond to any incidents that might occur and how they think it's great to have Street Pastor's to partnership with them on the streets. They've offered us the opportunity to sit in on their night time briefs and then go out in a Police van/car with them as an observer so that we can experience what happens on their side of the fence. I'm really looking forward to that.

They also told us how many licensed premises there are in Norwich and how many customers the largest nightclub in Norwich can hold. It's quite a lot and some of the older pastors were a bit worried about going out onto the streets with potentially so many people around. I'm not too worried right now but I think that's because I'm still in a comfort zone and not actually out there yet. And besides I know this is a calling from God and he'll be with me, so all is good.

We also tried on our uniforms and even though I've ordered small in everything they're still too big for me, especially the winter coat which comes to my knees, but at least my bottom will be warm.

We also had a preacher at the end who gave us a great word. He reminded us of the reality of the spiritual battle of good and evil that is constantly at work and that when we take Jesus out onto the streets we are going to illuminate sin. Some will look at us and hate who we stand for because the enemy has hold of them and convinces them that the idols they worship (sex, drugs, money etc.) is the path to happiness and some will get a sense of Jesus' love through the care we will be sharing. He warns us to keep our armour on because we will be under attack for we are invading the enemy's kingdom and he doesn't want us to be there.

Even though I know this, as we all do, I'm really glad God has reminded me of this because part of me was starting to doubt whether I could do Street Pastoring or not, and now I know Satan almost convinced me not too.

Update

2008-09-16T18:19:00.004+01:00

Just a quick update. John and I started our Street Pastoring training last Saturday and it went really well. As part of the training, one thing that challenged me most was trying to cram my testimony into three minutes. We need to practice this because we may meet someone on the streets who has to catch a taxi or leave in a hurry and they've asked why, how and when I became a Christian, and my actual testimony when spoken out takes quite a long time.

The boys have started their new educational year. Morgan goes to Kadesh two days a week which is an alternative school and two days which the youth service which organise orienteering a kayaking for young people who are either home educated. Morgan is surprisingly good at kayaking so watch out for London 2012, he maybe representing Britain.

Mason is back a school ad loving it. He has been picked to be Class President and will represent his class on the school council, so maybe we have a politician in the making.

I've started my hairdressing course ad have brain ache already, you wouldn't believe the amount of information I need to know before actually doing hairdressing, there's a lot of science to learn, but I love science so that's ok

And John is doing a very good job at being house organiser. He still doesn't have a job but I don't think that's a bad thing because he's needed in the house at the moment until we are all settled in a routine.

I think my blogs are going to be a bit random for a while because I'm too busy to really think about anything profound. Actually that's not true, I'm always thinking about profound or deep things, I just don't have the time to write about them. Maybe what I culd do is just write one line sentences on my thoughts and leave it up to whoever to comment on it. What do you think?

New Beginnings

2008-09-10T17:29:00.007+01:00

It has been absolutely ages since I last blogged, mainly because I've had bloggers block. Not because I've got nothing to say but because too much has happened for me to write about and I've not been sure how to blog it.

Anyway, I want to give a brief account of some new beginnings. I've started a hairdressing course this week and I'm already learning a lot about the profession. I am in the beginnings of establishing some great friendships with some of the students and I can see some great opportunities for glorifying Jesus and showing His love to them. So even though hairdressing isn't much of a serving or caring profession, I can see it leading to some great conversations about Jesus and what he has done for me.

Also, on Saturday John and I start our Street Pastoring training which I am very excited about and feel that out of all the ministries I'm involved in, this is the one I feel most passionate about.

A Street Pastor is a Church leader/minister or member with a concern for society - in particular young people who feel themselves to be excluded and marginalised - and who is willing to engage people where they are, in terms of their thinking (i.e. their perspective of life) and location (i.e. where they hang out - be it on the streets, in the pubs and clubs or at parties etc).
Street Pastors will also be willing to work with fellow activists, church and community leaders, and with agencies and projects, both statutory and voluntary, to look at collaborative ways of working on issues affecting youth, and initiatives that will build trust between them and the Street Pastors.As the Street Pastor gets to know people in the community he/she will find out their needs are and what can be done to help. A presence of Street Pastors will earn credibility in the community, so that people know that the Church is there for them in a practical way. The role is not about preaching heaven and hell, but one of listening, caring and helping - working in an unconditional way

I can't wait to get out into the streets and start caring for the community, (that's if I pass the training because the organisation are very particular about who goes out onto the streets, so please pray for me).

It's a short blog I'm afraid, but I'll try my best to make it more regular and with better information of thought provoking stuff.

I've been busy

2008-08-07T11:13:00.002+01:00

It's been a while since I last blogged, I just don't seem to have the time lately because I've been thinking about and working on The Ark and Shalam (my new social education company) and so writing a blog has been bottom of my list of things to do.

I've been accepted to train as a Street Pastor in September and once trained I will go out into the streets of Norwich at least one night a month to help people who may have drunk too much or got into a fight or lost their friends, basically to show God's love to whatever opportunity comes my way. I'm really looking forward to it.

I'm also going to offer myself as a befriender for a local psychiatric unit where patients can often miss out on being just sociable with people from the outside world. I'm starting on Monday with a woman who doesn't talk much but she loves to make things, which I also love to do and so we're going to just hang out together being creative.

I am also on a journey with Pregnancy Crisis about my previous pregnancy losses so that when I come through it I can train with them and help other women on their journey with any pregnancy crisis they may have or are experiencing too. This has been the hardest thing for me to do right now as I feel through years of training in therapy and counselling I have already dealt with any issues relating my previous experience with pregnancy crisis and don't feel like I need to bring it all back up again and so I have been really angry with God for making me do this right now.

But it's been a few weeks since I started and I'm understanding God's purpose for it and I'm still attending and willing to explore any unresolved issues I may still have, besides, I know from previous experience, to be a counsellor I had to have counselling, to train as a therapist I had to be in therapy, to teach others anger management I had to learn about my own anger issues first and now if I want to help women through loss and bereavement of a child whether that is through termination, miscarriage or stillbirth, I have to explore and deal with my own losses too.

In the best possible taste

2008-07-18T15:49:00.013+01:00

Tim, Lorraine and Dawn had a house warming party last weekend and Bad Taste was the theme. John came dressed in a swimming costume. He walked down the street dress like that and our youngest son Mason wouldn't walk with us. I think we may have traumatised him.

From this photo no one looks badly dressed, except from John of course who is now wearing a nightie. Should I be worried?Notice the great gap between Tim and John.

One of the party game forfeit, sucking on a lemon. To John it's like eaten a piece of orange. What's wrong with him?

Lorraine and me.

Another game forfeit. Albert had to blow up a balloon until it burst. It was so funny to watch Albert wincing during every puff, and these photos don't show the story so well but it brought the memories back. Ha, ha, ha, it was sooo funny.

BANG!!! I didn't get the balloon bursting on camera.

Don't you think John is a bit blown up in this photo? Honestly, he looks nothing like that in real life.

It's my opinion

2008-07-10T15:58:00.003+01:00

I've been hearing a lot of talk about what is right and what is wrong about how to do things, especially regarding parenting.

My eldest son Morgan is home educated and our reasons for taking him out of school was due to bullying. No one really questioned us and simply accepted our decisions, but lately my sister-in-law has decided to take her son out of school and suddenly everyone has an opinion.

Some of their views are, 'he's going to suffer socially', 'you're not qualified to teach', 'what about when you can't handle it anymore?', at first they sound like normal concerns, but as I sat and listened deeper into the conversation (or debate) it started to feel like she was being attacked and that she should consider leaving him in school because that's the best thing to do.

What do THEY know what's best for HER son? Maybe they are against home educating because they secretly want to keep their children at home too. But because it's not the norm they feel they have to send their children to school, where all the good things they have taught their own children will be undone by the influences of the other children or the institutionalisation of school.

My other issues about other people's opinions regarding parenting is whether children should be allowed to walk to school or the shops alone or anything else that's remotely independent. The debate is at what age should they do this, that or the other. I believe it has nothing to do with age but rather it's down to the child and their responsibility, experience and behaviour that counts for when they should be 'able' to do things.

There has to be a balance though, if a child has too much freedom they may abuse that freedom and basically live in anarchy, they could even feel unloved because no one cares what they do. But if a child is wrapped up in cotton wool it's whole life then when they finally do get some freedom they may not know how to cope in dangerous situations, they may be too insecure with being on their own or they may just go completely of the rails and just about do everything and anything such as sleeping around, drugs, drink and other illegal or immoral stuff because they think that's part of growing up and they're making up for lost time.

I feel parenting is a sensitive subject as we all want to do things right, so basically the way you bring up your children and the way I bring up mine is down to us as parents and what we feel is right for our own children, there is no right or wrong way. That's my opinion.

However, there is God's way and that is to love our children as he loves us.

Young Guns

2008-07-08T18:34:00.003+01:00

My son Morgan was baptised on Sunday and three other young people were baptised too. It's great to see more and more young people giving their life to Jesus and choosing to follow him instead of conforming to the way of the world. I hope that during their spiritual infancy and human adolescence they don't get seduced into the corruption of the society that we live in.

I became a Christian later in life and I've found changing the sinful elements of my personality hard and having to wait for God to act or deliver really frustrating. It's like teaching an old dog new tricks and telling someone who has walked unattended for many years to start crawling instead. For these young people who are beginning their walk with God, they have a better advantage, they already learn new things everyday and they're not as much independent as adults.

Is it easier to be a Christian when we're younger or older?

Insulation

2008-07-05T15:20:00.002+01:00

I was having some friends round last night for drinks and SingStar (karaoke) but before they came round I knocked on next door to warn then about the potential noise coming from our house. They assured me that they never hear us and in fact they often worry that we might hear the noise coming from their house instead. But we never hear anything coming from them either.

Anyway, I had a great night last night and we sang our hearts out and I've just seen my neighbours outside and they said they didn't hear a thing. The insulation between our houses must be really thick to block out a bunch of girls singing at the top or their lungs. I sometimes wish I could be insulated from all the evil that goes on in the world but I know that if I don't allow some of these things to penetrate me then I will remain ignorant to the suffering and needy. I don't want to be wrapped up all cosy and safe, when there are people out there cold and hurting.

No superficial harmony here

2008-07-04T16:13:00.003+01:00

Something very significant happened to me this week.

My mum and I got into an argument because she called my church a 'Micky Mouse' church which basically means in her eyes it's not a real church, (I may moan about my church like I do about my family, but I won't have someone else slag them off).

She also believes there are only two 'English' religions and that's Catholic and Church of England. I tried to educate her telling her there are more church movements than those two, I also tried to explain that the Catholics and C of E's are both Christian (followers of Christ) as is the church I attend, but she didn't get it.

She says she is a Christian, but she doesn't accept Jesus as her saviour and when I told her 'then your not a Christian', she and her new husband verbally attacked me with things such as it's Christians like you that put me of church, you no good do-gooders and the usual ignorant talk that non-believers say (which I too use to say before I found Jesus), but then they started to slag off Jesus claiming that he's just a man and if God was such a loving God then he would allow them into heaven, inside I sware I could feel blood vessels bursting in my brain, I was so angry.

My nan who lives across the courtyard had to come over to stop the argument because neither of us would back down. My mum wanted me to agree with her and I wouldn't, because it's not the truth. I felt humanly alone.

For the rest of my time there and all the next day I had the feeling of bereavement and the physical feelings I was experiencing was a sense of pain and hurt. I also felt like I had let God down by getting into an argument about Him, but then I got the word in Matthew 10:34-35 "Don't imagine that I came to bring peace to the earth! I came not to bring peace, but a sword. I have come to set a man against his father and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law." I wasn't aggressive during the argument but I was assertive, firm and stubborn. It meant alot to me to educate the truth to her so that she wouldn't be ignorant anymore, but if anything it's turned her away from God and that makes me feel bad because I feel responsible.

The sense of pain and hurt wouldn't leave me and it was during the drive home when I was in the spirit that I realised that a part of my mum had died to me. I had made a decision and chosen Jesus over my her and as painful as it is, I know He comes first.

I don't do drugs, it's just the music.

2008-06-26T11:06:00.005+01:00

When I was younger I use to attend dancing school and then in my 20's I learnt Latin dancing, Flamenco, Salsa and ballroom dancing. I love to lose myself in the music and just move to the rhythm, friends of mine have told me that when I dance it's like I'm communicating, (whatever that means)but I take it as a compliment.

When I'm dancing and I'm really into the beat I feel as though I'm on my own or in another world, it's like a reader heavily into their book and they become oblivious to what's going on around them. One time in my teens I went to a Prodigy gig and danced non stop for about four or five hours. The promoter come up to me and asked me on his mic to the rest of the crowd how much speed I had taken, I said none, he then asked how many pills have you taken, again I said none, he then asked what drugs have you taken, I assured him I don't take drugs, shockingly he asked well how have you been dancing nonstop for all these hours? It's just the music and love to dance. He was so impressed he asked me to hang out with the band after the gig finished.

I don't think I have the stamina like I use to but I still love to dance, I just don't get the chance to do it so much now. What I have been wanting to do for a long time is to learn belly dancing. I've got a great jelly belly (after having 3 kids) for belly dancing and it doesn't look as energetic as most other forms of dancing so maybe that'll be something to do in the future.

Transparency

2008-06-24T12:19:00.004+01:00

I believe I am quite transparent. What you see is what you get. There's no hidden agenda, no game plan, no fakeness. If I'm sad I show it, if I'm angry you'll know it. When I'm happy you'll feel it and when I'm shamed you'll see it.

So when I tell people I'm feeling fine I mean it, even though John and I have zero money, we're going to have a house repressed, and we'll have to move away from the town we now call home, our car needs an M.O.T and a new back light.

When someone asks me how I am I tell them the truth to how I feel at that moment whatever that feeling may be but because I generally feel great my answers are always 'yeah I feel good', but! I always tell them what's going on in my life such as all of the above and more. So when I hear people say they didn't realise how bad it is for us, I start to think hang on I've been telling you what it's like. Don't you believe me because I'm not upset?

Everything in the world's eye is dire for us but because of Jesus I feel totally and utterly OK with what's going on in our lives. Do I have to pretend that I'm not OK and start crying all the time, dwelling on 'what are we going to do?', stay indoors and hope it all goes away and sorts itself out, just so that people will believe me, NO! I'm stepping out in faith showing the world that even though everything sucks right now I'm feeling great because I have Jesus beside me, I am in His hands, He knows all my needs, He is faithful and it's all part of His plan.

I am representing the one and only living God, I have put my life in His hands and I trust that He will deliver. What kind of Jesus follower would I be showing the world if I went about moping, trying to be self-sufficient, dwelling on the bad stuff, saying stuff like why is this happening to me. I have been saved from the bondage of this world, I have been set free, I have been brought out of the darkness and I have a place in Heaven. That's what I want people to know and see.

Nothing can be hidden from God as He can see through me, I just pray that I was as transparent to the rest of the world and show them what Jesus has done for me.

Would you squeal on them?

2008-06-20T15:28:00.004+01:00

When I was younger I often knew about bad people doing naughty things, but I never squealed on them. I was never a tell tale in fact I would often turn a blind eye. I'm still like it now, I just don't want to be the cause of someone else's suffering, whether they are right or wrong in what they do. I just don't want to get people into trouble and be the reason for whatever punishment they incur for their wrong doings.

Lately in the news I am hearing about how parents are shopping their children into the police for criminal offences. I think it takes a lot of bravery to do this and I also think it's the right thing to do. This has challenged me a lot about whether I could actually do it to my own children. If I knew my own children were doing something illegal I would find it extremely hard to tell the police about what they've done, because I love them and don't want them to be punished. But I discipline them at home if their naughty because I love them and want them to grow into decent adults. Being punished helps us to know right from wrong and justice always needs to be done.

I know that on judgment day the people who haven't accepted Jesus as their saviour will be sent to an eternity of conscience suffering not because God doesn't love them but because that's the punishment for their sin, so it's not a love thing, it's a justice thing. I think the dad in the following news article wanted justice to happen to his son, because he loves him.

A teenager was jailed on Friday for possessing a gun after his father handed him in to police when he found the weapon and bullets in his home.

Paul Metcalfe, 19, of Nelson, in Lancashire, was jailed for three years after his father, Neil, 45, turned him over to the authorities.

He had faced a maximum five-year term after he pleaded guilty to firearm offences at an earlier hearing.

The teenager hid the weapon -- a reactivated semi-automatic pistol with 11 live bullets -- for some older men because he was frightened of them.

After sentencing, his father said he had no regrets, although he did think the sentence was too long.

"I think I did the right thing," he told reporters outside court. "I don't think he should have walked out of court, but 18 months or two years maybe - people get less for GBH."

Detective Inspector Derek Jones, of Lancashire Police, said the judge had done the right thing in balancing the case.

He said the gun could have been used to commit murder or robberies if it landed in the wrong hands.

"The minimum sentence is still 5 years (for possessing a gun)," he told reporters. "The reason
Metcalfe didn't receive that, is (because of) the circumstances of his case.
"I think his father has to be commended, but what he did is not unusual."

Before sentencing the teenager had told newspapers that he was scared of the consequences.
"Although I'm scared of going to prison, I feel dad saved me," he was quoted as saying. "I was angry with him at the time. Now I know why he did it and respect him for it. I'd got in with the wrong crowd."

A good clear out

2008-06-18T16:03:00.002+01:00

We're having a good clear out at home. I've just been in the garage sorting through stuff that we have accumulated over the years and can't believe just how much tosh we have. It amazes me the things we keep. There are things in the garage I'd either forgotten we had or didn't even know were there, so why keep it?

Honestly the stuff we keep is just space wasters, and obviously not worth anything to us or even useful because if they were they'd be in the house being used or appreciated, so we've decided to sell some of it at the local boot sale.

It's really good to have a clear out every now and then, gets rid of all the rubbish lying around and one thing is for sure, we'll have less stuff to shift when we move 'cause I've actually thrown a lot of it away.

Finished pavilion

2008-06-16T20:47:00.011+01:00

The finishing touches to the pavilion, ready for the party in the park.

Here is Lauren and me.

That's Andi facing the camera. She and I were the ones who put together the design for the pavilion. There was a competition to design the mural but not one was perfect enough on their own, so we combined the ideas of the designs and this is the outcome.

The next photos are of The Party in the Park as part of the Hope 08 initiative. You can't see all of the mural because there's a band setting up the equipment in front of it.

It was such a great day and God blessed us with wonderful weather. It was full of people all day and there was such a great sense of community.

John helped run the Sumo wrestling event and at the end of the day he decided to give it a go. Here he is, ready to wrestle our niece's boyfriend Sid.

There is no way I would want to get into one of those suits after all the sweaty bods that's been in them all day.

Here is Andi and me. Hmm, I'm seriously thinking about getting some botox in them lines.

I'm Seasonal

2008-06-15T20:39:00.003+01:00

I'm a seasonal person. I go through periods of blossoming just like Spring where I can be new at something and as I grow I get stronger, more mature and better at things. Then there are times when I can be full of life, energetic and bright just like the Summer. Then during my Autumn period I start to lose interest in things and find I have less and less motivation to do things. But worse of all is my Winter period. Just like a proper British Winter where nature appears dead, the weather is cold, dull and depressing, I become cold hearted, withdrawn and in a state of hibernation, I just stop functioning properly.

Generally, I'm more like Spring and Autumn throughout the year, but every now and then I slip into Autumn and Winter which is where I think I am now. I've become de-motivated, less interested and withdrawn. I just don't seem to have the energy to be bothered to do anything right now. Well, for me that is. I'm constantly thinking of how I can help 'others', whether 'other' people are doing fine, what 'other' people are doing? Don't get me wrong I think it's good to be thinking of others, but what about me, John, my children? I'm not thinking of us.

I feel like I've been neglecting my family and myself because I put other people first, I've got my priorities wrong and now I'm in a period where I don't have the energy to even think of others let alone help them. I also tend to withdraw into myself, not communicate properly, or keep in touch with friends. I find I don't seem to talk as much during this time.

I don't resent my winter period as I think it's a good break and it doesn't last very long, but I still don't like it, especially when I become withdrawn from others.

Petition signing to Stop Street Violence

2008-06-01T17:25:00.003+01:00

I have created an e-petition to the Prime Minister, the following blue text shows exactly what I'm petitioning for.

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to Stop Street Violence by regenerating communities, restoring families and make anger management and conflict resolution training within schools compulsory.

I believe the increase in street violence is due to segregation within communities, the breakdown in families and the lack of self esteem, anger control and communicative skills amongst individuals.

Supporting families, building communities and learning anger management and conflict resolution from a young age will equip all in dealing with internal, external and collective issues individually and as part of a group.

More details of the petition and where to sign can be found at http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/endviolence

Sunrise, early in the morning

2008-05-29T17:08:00.009+01:00

Last Friday night our youth did 24 hours of praying. At 4a.m. Saturday morning in between the 24 hours of prayer we took some of the youth to a local beach to watch the sun rise and to get even closer to God's Holy Spirit.

You can't tell by the photo because a few of them have shorts on, but it was freezing cold.

My son Mason, trying to sleep.

Here's my son Morgan, he was at the church all night praying and hasn't had any sleep yet. He looks really tired here.

Here's my little girl Turaya, she had loads of energy considering she only had a few hours sleep before I got her up at 3.30a.m. She has just signed for food. Typical, she always wants food, no matter what time it is.

The sun is just rising in the distance. I did take a picture of it but it didn't come out very well.
Here's Albert making everyone bacon rolls for breakfast. I can't believe we were eating at 4.45 in the morning.

Here is John taking a dip in the sea. What a head case.

You can't tell here, but John is actually bright pink from the freezing water.

A New Hope

2008-05-23T20:46:00.009+01:00

I am part of a steering group who have been involved in bringing hope to the local community as part of the Hope '08 initiative. Starting on Monday next week we will have a group of volunteers who will give up there time to do odd jobs, such as decorating and gardening for people in the community. The youth will be providing a free car wash day on Wednesday and on Saturday we will be having a party in the park, hosting bands, rides, face painting, food and a whole other enjoyable fun stuff which will be free for the community.

In addition to all this we will be painting a new mural on the park pavillion displaying Hope which we started today.

Here is my son Morgan in front of part of the old mural.

I'm so glad we are painting over that hidious art work. Here's Morgan and Rosemary getting ready.

Here's Adrian and Pauline rubbing the surface down in preperation. This was the worse part of the job because it really aches the arms.

I realised during the day that I didn't have any photos of me because I was the one taking the photos so I took a picture of myself to prove I was helping. Although this photo doesn't actually show that I'm doing anything other than posing.
Oh look, here I am again during a tea break and still not showing that I've done anything yet.

The old mural is covered. Here's Bridgett and Liz who came to offer their services right after their G.C.S.E exams. Now that's dedication.

Here's my prof that I did some work, although Bridget is in the way of the wall.

I really did do some work today.

Rest a while

2008-05-22T16:47:00.004+01:00

I am physically tired at the moment due to Turaya waking up in the night because she has a cough. One night of broken sleep is OK, maybe even two, but by after three nights of broken sleep my performance during the day has really been affected. I have a dull headache, I can't think clearly, I'm impatient and basically redundant. So I'm not really doing much today, problem is, when I do get to spend all day doing nothing I actually feel even more tired and lethargic. I can't seem to get the right balance.

My husband John finds it really hard to just stop and relax for a bit. If he isn't working, or doing something he gets really agitated. This is fine because he's the one who's a stress head, but when it's starts to spill over into what I'm doing (or not doing as he sometimes says) that really drives me bonkers. I don't mind doing nothing for a bit and when I start to get bored or unfulfilled I do something about it, I don't expect others to be doing something as well.

There is a reason why God wants us to keep the sabbath. He wants us to rest so that we can recuperate, but I also think it's important to Him because during the sabbath (time of rest) we can spend some quality time with Him. During those time out moments when we're doing and thinking about nothing, we are able to truly rest in His presence and regenerate in preparation for the next job He gives us or to just carry on in our daily lives.

Low Self-esteem

2008-05-21T19:57:00.002+01:00

I'm a qualified Anger Management Therapist. I am a qualified anger management therapist. I am qualified to train people to manage their anger.

I am gifted at encouraging people, motivating them, guiding them to pursue their dreams. I have a special skill in making someone feel good about themselves, but when it comes to building my own self esteem, I fail.

Some people can be trained in counselling and therapy and do a reasonably good job, but in my experience it is only the naturally gifted who are the best at their performance. I have been told by many professionals in my field that I am one of those naturally gifted, so why don't I realise that myself?

I know the deep rooted stuff that causes my low self esteem is the rejection and being let down by those who are suppose to love me. This regression resurfaces every time I start to do something important. I start to doubt myself and convince myself that I'm not qualified to say or do anything about it and then I tend to give up on it. It's a massive weakness of mine.

I want to promote the 'Stop Street Violence' campaign that I'm setting up because I want to help society improve the community we as participants belong to by raising awareness about the increase in street crime and to promote ways we as community members can reduce street crime. It's a slow process anyway, but my low self esteem is almost bringing me to a halt. I just need a bit of a pick me up.

What if?

2008-05-20T13:42:00.005+01:00

Turaya hasn't been well the last couple of days. She's had a cough, runny nose and a temperature. After having three children, John and I are use to the fact that kids get sick every now and then and even though my motherly instincts told me she's alright and doesn't have anything serious, it's the 'what ifs' that play on my mind. What if she doesn't improve?, what if God doesn't heal her? What if she has something really seriously wrong with her?

After a rough night with her last night and a consistent temperature this morning, we thought we should take her to the Doctors to have her checked over, and so I booked an emergency appointment this morning for her to go to the clinic at lunchtime. By the time 12 came she had improved and her temperature was lower but she was still pretty lethargic and so we still went the Doctor who checked her over and said she's fine. No ear or chest infection and that the worst was over. So my instinct was right.

There was nothing wrong in seeing the Doctor (even though we may have waisted his time), and I think it's good to get things checked out for safe keeping because we just don't know if there's a problem or not.

It's typical because as I write this she's down stairs now right as rain, chatting to herself (or God). Why did I not listen to my instincts and trust that God was in control and that all would be well? Was my action lack of faith or just common sense?

Be filled with His Spirit.

2008-05-18T19:36:00.004+01:00

Has the Sunday morning church service been changed over the years to accommodate non-believers? I have heard many Christians say that church isn't like it use to be. Miracles have lessened, healing is not performed as much and the speaking of tongues have been quietened to almost silence. Is it because non-believers or Christians who have not been filled with the Holy Spirit don't like all the weird stuff that goes on in church. Has the fire that burns in us been dampened down just so we make the lost or immature Christians feel comfortable in church. Who is the Sunday morning church service really for?

When I first started attending a Sunday morning church service, I moaned constantly about it and slagged it off. I wasn't of course a Christian at the time. When I did give my life to Jesus I stopped slagging off the church service and just moaned about it for a while. But as time went by and I grew more in the spirit and I grew more accepting to the way things are done. I still don't enjoy the rigid structure but I know it works well for others. I'm more of a spontaneous person, 'live by the seat of my pants' kind of girl. Over the past few months things are starting to change during our Sunday morning service. It's becoming less structured and more Spirit driven and I'm loving it.

However, a new Christian and some other 'searchers' I know, really don't like this new way of spiritual service. Their negative thoughts on the way things are done doesn't bother me too much (because I once didn't like the way things were done on a Sunday morning either), I just feel sad for them. Sad that they can't or won't open up themselves to the Spirit.

This morning our church leader spoke on brokenness and invited anyone in the congregation to come up the front for some prayer to heal any strongholds they may have, a few people came forward, but not those who I know could do with it, (which is fair enough because some people aren't ready to face things, or feel embarrassed to step out in front of everyone). But what shocked me was when our church leader invited everyone to come to the front if they wanted some prayer to receive the Holy Spirit. Only a handful went up.

I've been feeling really great these past few months and so I haven't gone up the front for healing or prayer for quite some time, but to have the opportunity to receive the Holy Spirit again I was straight up there.

It is the best feeling ever and it's free because it's a gift from God. He wants to give it to us and I just pray for all new Christians and those who have apathy to open up their hearts and receive God's powerful, peaceful and loving spirit.

Sunday morning church services are for Christians, to worship God, to be in fellowship with each other. No church service is the same and none will accomodate all Christians, there will never be the 'perfect' church because they are full of humans. Jesus didn't change his nature, character or spirit to fit in with those around Him or accomodate everyone to make 'them' happy. As Jesus followers we should follow His way and show others that same way to God.

New Blog

2008-05-14T17:46:00.003+01:00

I have started a new blog called STOP STREET VIOLENCE which I hope will invoke some people to think about ways in which we as the public can help to reduce, prevent and stop street violence.

The blog can be accessed via Blogs I like on the left hand side.

Go, Go, Go!

2008-05-01T15:19:00.003+01:00

Sometimes when I'm behind someone at a road junction I can see a space for them to pull out and yet the driver in front continues to wait. I'm not frustrated with the driver for not making the decision to pull out because I understand that they're just not ready to go or they're waiting for a bigger space to pull out into or they're assessing the danger and waiting for a safe space to go. I imagine these drivers to be sitting there thinking, 'shall I?' 'no, not this time', 'that looks safe, no I'll wait', where I'm sat behind thinking, 'go on then', 'go, that's a big enough space,' 'what are you waiting for?'

I'm not bothered if I'm stuck behind someone, waiting for them to make a decision to go, so that I can go too, because I know the road can be a dangerous place and it's good to know that there are drivers out there who are cautious (even overly cautious). But I can get frustrated when people can't make a decision to do something that isn't dangerous at all, risky yes, but not dangerous.

I think we can all be too indecisive at times, which I believe delays acting, ( I hear all too often, 'should I?', 'shall we?' and not enough 'let's just do it!'). Making a decision too late can be just as dangerous.

I take most of my decisions to God in prayer, and lately He seems to be just listening. I think He wants me to start making some decisions myself. Some of my decisions can lead me into dangerous places or unfamiliar territory but with God by my side, why am I delaying the decisions. What am I waiting for?

I can be just like some of those cautious drivers, waiting for a safe space to go. How very annoying, but isn't it also sensible to wait? I don't know.

Luke warm

2008-04-30T16:02:00.004+01:00

My eldest son Morgan gave his life to Jesus on Saturday night and wants to be baptised very soon. When he first told us I just said a simple "thank you" to God for saving my son and a short "well done" to Morgan. Then I thought to myself why am I not jumping around, feeling ecstatic that my son is alive. This isn't some disease he has had that he has recovered from, where we're all thankful that he's going to be well again, this is like a terminal illness which isn't terminal anymore. He's going to live forever with Jesus. So why no party, or joyful behaviour? I thought to myself, 'what's wrong with me? I'm behaving as though I don't really believe Morgan's decision. I should be in acceptance and full of joy, dancing around like the angels in heaven do when someone comes to Jesus.

It's as though I'm waiting for some piece of evidence to prove he's a Christian. To experience some type of change in him, to visualise Morgan's desire in building a relationship with God, a more willingness to read the Bible and to see him step up in prayer. I know my attitude is wrong especially as I don't know Morgan's heart, or what his relationship with God is like, or how often he prays. I don't know any of it, only Morgan and God do.

I believe it's a visual thing. I didn't witness the exact point when Morgan decided to live for Jesus and that has questioned whether I believe he has or not. How wrong I am not to trust Morgan! Because I have a relationship with an entity who I can't see and yet I trust Him.

Morgan has confessed with his mouth that Jesus is his saviour and that's all it takes for God to keep hold of him and yet I struggle to accept that's all it takes to have eternal life. I think this is the real issue for me, that some people get into heaven by the skin of their teeth becuase all they have done is verbally accept Jesus as their saviour and then continue through life doing their own thing and not accepting the Holy Spirit to really change them.

It's a visual thing again isn't it? If I don't see a difference in a Christian, then are they truly Christian, a follower of Christ? They are like lost sheep, who are found and then escape.

I pray the Shepard will continue to watch over His flock and not let one escape.

An alternative world

2008-04-28T09:05:00.004+01:00

My youngest son Mason loves to write stories. I can't tell you how many he has written because there are so many. Lately he has been asking me to help him write a novel (or novella) and so yesterday I helped him put together the main characters and plot.

His imagination is totally out there and I wonder if sometimes he loses himself too much and forgets to live in the real world. This has got me thinking, exactly what is the real world?

The world that I live in is full of peace and love but down the road a friend's world is full of hurt and sadness. And then there's the outer world where oppression, poverty and hunger exists.

Mason's reality is different from mine, he is a worrier, has low self esteem and wears his heart on his sleeve, through his eyes he sees a world of status where he has to be something special in order to feel successful. Through writing he is creating an alternative world in which he can live and express himself. I guess a lot of people create an alternative world to live in, through drug abuse, alto egos, living their past desires through their children or losing themselves in the lives of others.

Last night in my youth group we were talking about whether the world is getting better or worse, their response was it's getting worse. We went on to discuss how can we make it better? Each of them had some positive ideas but all of them agreed that they actually wouldn't 'do' anything to change it, not because they don't want to but because they don't feel like it's their job to, or they don't have the power to make a difference or that they're not good enough to.

So we prayed about this and asked God to help us to be partners with Him in redeeming and restoring this fallen, broken and hurting world. And as Jesus said in the Lord's prayer '...your Kingdom come, your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven...'

There is an alternative world to live in, the world that God originally intended it to be, like it was in the Garden of Eden, a paradise. Through Him it is possible to create a better world for all of us to live in. We just need to stop talking about it, and stop 'dreaming' for a better world, and start doing. Let us call upon the Holy Spirit to help us change it.

One step at a time

2008-04-23T18:39:00.005+01:00

A poem of my feelings.

Where is my Lord when I need Him?

It feels as though He has departed from me, leaving me to fend for myself.

Like a baby learning to walk, wobbly steps, one at a time. As my confidence grows and I start to run I bump into things because of excitement and misjudgment.

As I fall over and hurt myself I cry out for comfort but no hands reach me. I sit alone 'cause no one comes to my aid. Where is my Lord when it hurts?

Just like a toddler I am, independent in some ways but dependable in other. Wanting to do things alone but when it gets too hard I need Him to help me.

I need His help, and it feels like He's not doing anything.

But then I sense Him.

My Lord is here, He's giving me opportunities to grow spiritually. Allowing me to step into my unknown destiny, blinded or sightful. He's watches from afar as my confidence and faith grows.

My Lord is greater than a human parent, who watches their child walk unaided for the first time. Checking the environment for danger and clearing obstacles out of the way. Not holding them as they walk but there ready to catch them if they fall.

A child should learn to walk unaided and I must sprititually too, but it's tough going right now and I don't want to be alone.

Where is my Lord now?

He is right beside me!

The above painting comes from a Christiamas card which had a message inside reading...'the infant Jesus learned to walk among us so that we might learn to walk with God.' I found this picture from Google images after I wrote the above poem. The text below is what was written in the discription of the picture.

Such a powerful reminder of our great and awesome God! He came into our lives as a baby, nursing and crying, needing to be held and comforted, fed and nurtured. He had to learn how to walk, how to talk, how to read Hebrew Scripture, and how to make tables, doors, and chairs. He surely fell a few times when he first began to walk, scraping his little-boy knees, and probably banged his teen-aged thumb a few times while learning the work of his earthly father. He knew what it was to be human, yet he also knew there was more to his life on earth than being a man. That little baby grew up and accepted a mission that none of us would be willing to enter into.

We are like toddlers in a world that is strewn with blades, mallets, nails, and slivers of wood. Let us not forget that the hands of our Father guide us through right paths and hold us steady every step of the way.

God truly in awesome, knowing everything about me, before I know myself. And placing encouraging messages in my path and always at the right time. Thanks Lord!

Borne out of mess

2008-04-22T13:04:00.004+01:00

When I left school I went to art college and as part of my coursework I had to write about another artist, I chose Paul Jackson Pollock. I have many favourite artists but Jackson Pollock's artwork really interested me. He was an abstract expressionist and much of his paintings look like a load of paint had been thrown together on a piece of canvas (which is true), and to some people his artwork just looks like a load of mess.

They do at first appear to be messy paintings and not very pleasing to the eye, but after taking my time looking at each piece, I was able to see within the messiness a real composition and balance. He used the right choices of colours for each painting, the paint was spread evenly around the canvas and basically his artwork doesn't look like a load of mud, (that tends to happen if too many colours or not the right pigments are mixed together, a right mess).

We've been praying to get messy in our church lately, to get messy in the community, just to get down in the mess. Well, it's got messy and it's great, although I don't think that some would agree that it's great or even that they like it (I could be wrong), but I believe that within all this messiness is something beautiful and will potentially create balance amongst us.

Messy is good, it shows that something is happening, going on, created and it may be unpleasant, chaotic or ugly at first, but out of the mess is composition. We just need some patiance before we're able to see it.

This is another Jackson Pollock titled 'Composition'.

Indifference?

2008-04-21T14:05:00.004+01:00

"It's only Rock and Roll but I like it", as sung by Mick Jagger.

Jesus is our rock and we as the church are the roll put us together and we hear sweet music. Not all of us are playing from the same song sheet though, but that doesn't always create bad music, just a different sound.

Musicians love to create, express themselves and entertain others, they all have this in common with each other but they don't all sound the same. If we only had one type of genre in the music world, music wouldn't last very long because we would feel bored, uninspired and fed up with listening to the same thing. I think the same goes for listening to Christians spreading God's word, the way we tell it to others doesn't have to be the same as the next Christian.

I use to think there were good and bad preachers, now I'm starting to believe they're all good, but some of them just don't push my buttons. Just like music, I can't stand drum and base, rave and some forms of reggae but there are people out there who totally love those music genres, really get down with it and feel great after they have listened to it.

God loves varity, just look at all the different races we have on Earth, the animals, flowers and insects that He has created, they're not all nice or pretty but they all play a part in our world and they all bring something to each of us.

Submit to one another.

2008-04-18T16:10:00.005+01:00

I grew up around strong dominant women. My mum was the head of the house, my nan is a dominant woman and my Godmother (another of my influences) is also a very strong woman. I am a natrual leader, influencial and like to do things my way, (I think that's why it took years for me to give up my life to God). When I first read in the Bible, 'wives submit to your husbands', my initial reaction was, no way!

I like equality and believe that my marriage is a partnership, niether John or I are above the other, but God also says 'that a husband is the head of his wife'. I've thought to myself, hang on a minute, John isn't the head of me.

When I really think about it though, it's a great idea to have someone in charge of me, making all my decisions, taking on all the worry of daily living, sorting things out for me, how great is that and all I have to do is submit myself to him and accept that he is the head of me, sounds great. But I don't actually think that's what God means by submitting to someone, He doesn't want us to be doormats, letting other people Dictate us. Jesus certanly wasn't a doormat. God also says, 'submit to one another out of reverevce to Christ'. So in a marriage where two become one, both have to submit to the other for it to become a unity. I also think it's intended to enhance our spiritual relationship with God and each other.

I am more willing now to submit myself to John than I have ever before, and I believe it is because I have submitted myself to God. The more I give myself to God the more willing I am to obey His command and submit to John. It's a slow process into submition, but I'm getting there.

It's not you, it's me.

2008-04-17T12:13:00.004+01:00

Many of us project our emotions onto others. Sometimes when I'm feeling angry, I'll project it onto John and I then believe he's the one who's angry and I'll have a go at him for being angry when actually he's not, it's just my projection.

Many of us transfer our emotions onto others. Sometimes when I'm feeling angry, I'll transfer my emotion onto John and then he'll become angry and my anger will deminish and turn to sadnes or hurt because now John 'is' angry.

Many of us tend to walk around like we've got it made or we're sorted or there's nothing wrong with us and that it's everyone else who needs to sort themselves out, but if we could recognise that sometimes we project or transfer our emotions onto others, it's actually ourselves we should be looking at. Jesus said, 'First get rid of the log in your own eye: then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's' eye'.

Many of us can't help projecting or transfering our emotions onto others, if that is the case, then let's all come closer to God, be filled with His love, peace and joy and then start projecting and transfering that onto to those around us. What a wonderful world it would be if we all started doing that.

Building the Ark

2008-04-16T13:43:00.003+01:00

Happy Birthday to 'THE ARK'

I am in the process of setting up a service that will enhance the lives of young people through providing them with information and support that will empower them to become fully participative members of their community and active indipendent citizens.

This service is something God has told me to set up, (I have written more about God's prompting on a previous blog called Expect the unexpected, dated 19th Feb), and today the 'Ark Community Teaching Services' is now officially registered as a not-for-profit company.

In the long term The Ark will become a sanctuary for young people to come and recieve help, information, advice and support relevant to their wants and needs and providing them with an opportunity to empower themselves. It will also house a 'chill out area' for young people who are not in need of any help but just want some company with other service users and/or staff.

We have already started giving out information and advice to young people and there is still alot more to do before the service comes into it's full potential. In the meantime, my main objective is to accquire some funding for premises, equipment, and staff training.

We can do with some prayer right now, fundamentally towards staying focused on the initial vision from God.

Promted by the Spirit

2008-04-12T14:16:00.005+01:00

During my time away visiting friends in Essex I have had to battle with Satan. None of my friends there are Christians and they very much live in the world of the flesh. I had to constantly think of Jesus and pray so that I could represent Him the right way and shine the light.

Since I left three years ago, my friends lives are all the same, doing the same old thing, moaning about the same people, desiring the same material things, not much has changed for them. Only two can hear God's calling and it is in them that I can see a glimmer of light.

Those two have some understanding as to why John gave up his job but they and the others don't get why we have to totally rely on God, and one of the things I did there confused them even more, whilst I was there I had ordered some take away food and brought it back to my friends house to eat but when I arrived at her house I realised I hadn't actually paid for the food, so I gave it to her then went back to pay the £9.00 charge.

Everyone thought I was mad, one of them even suggested that it was God's way of helping me out with money by letting me take the food without paying. Funny how people justify things to fit their behaviour and desires by saying it is God's will, but I had to explain that by not paying for it is still theft, whether it was the take away's fault or not. I know it was the right thing to do going back to pay for it because I know Jesus and His Holy Spirit was prompting me to do it.

The sad thing about this is many of them are reluctant to give themselves to Jesus because they see what I've done as being stupid and they fear that is how they will behave if they become a Christian. Seems like people feel better about themselves when they're doing bad things, I however sat there for the rest of the day with a clear mind and a pure heart, I just pray they could feel that way too.

Exhausting changes

2008-04-04T11:50:00.003+01:00

John has been reading a book called 'The dust off their feet' by Chris Seay and friends. Last night he read from it...The butterfly endures metamorphosis and exhausts itself in the process...

In my previous post I have written about a vision God gave me about a crysalis and where I am spiritually, changing from within. I have been so tired the past couple of weeks and a little bit absent minded, maybe this is due to my spiritual metamorphosis.

I thought I had already done the changing bit when I first became a Christian and for a while many changes happened. But it feels lately that God has put me onto a fast track changing programme and as though He's taking back the lotus years. It's like everytime I blink, I open my eyes and notice something different about me. It amazes me how different I am.

During this spiritual crysalis development I am vulnerable to what's going on around me and the attacks from Satan. I can't speed up the metamorphosis, that is with God and His fast track changing programme, all I can do within this cacoon is emerse myself in prayer, His word and spirit and wait for His time when I can emerge. I just pray that He will keep me protected.

It's so bright!

2008-03-30T17:37:00.003+01:00

A few weeks ago God gave me a vision of a crysalis. I took this as a representation of where I am spiritually, I have left the world of the flesh but I'm not fully living in the spirit, instead I am cacooned within a crysalis changing and growing spiritually into someone different.

I believe that we all have good in us, because God breathed life into us and so His essence is within us, but because of sin we are lost, detached and too dirty for us to be with God. Jesus died so that we can be put right with God and through Jesus we are able to come into contact with God. Thinking that we're good, acting good or doing good deeds means nothing if we haven't accepted Jesus and given up our life to follow Him.

I gave my life to Jesus and ask Him to transform and change me. The old me is dead along with my old life but I still haven't differentiated into what God wants me to be. I'm still in a spiritual crysalis and I feel a massive change going on within.

I hoped my metamorphosis would be something beautiful just like a butterfly from it's crysalis because I think they are more appealing and pleasing to the eye than moths, but all moths (and only very few species of butterflies) are attracted to light. Funny that God has given me this vision, Him being the light and so when I emerge into the life of the spirit as a new 'moth', I will stay attracted to the light and feel comfortable in my new skin.

Twitch way to go?

2008-03-26T09:34:00.003Z

I've had a really good Easter weekend and I'm enjoying the kids being home for the holidays. John is away until Friday which will be his last shift at Vopak.

He still doesn't have a job to go to which means we won't be able to pay our mortgage, or utility bills or anything else for that matter and everytime I talked to friends about it I got a twitch in my right eye.

I thought I was fine about John not having a job and the possibility of losing our house because I believe God is faithful and that He will provide us with what we need (whether that be a large tent to live in and someone's back garden to pitch it on), but the twitch has told me that subconsciously I am panicking.

Even though I don't feel stressed or scared the twitch has caused me to question things, like are we doing the right thing, should we sell the house, give all our stuff away or give up John's job and instead hold on to our possesions, but after reading the bible, having some great prayer time and recieving words from other people, I know that what we're doing is God's will and we just have to trust and keep waiting on Him.

Now when I talk about it my eye no longer twitches, I am deep rooted in Him and know that He will deliver. He knows what is happening to us, He knows how we feel, He knows our wants and needs, and whatever is His plan, I know that He knows what's best. And it will be good!

A leap of faith

2008-03-19T16:17:00.009Z

It was around this time of year 14 years ago that John and I went to work and live in Magalluf, Mallorca. We didn't have any where to stay, no job and we didn't know anyone when we got there. All we had was the flight back home (for the next week) and £150.00 between us. But we took the risk and left England. A lot happened to us while we were there (I guess I'll write about it another time) and we ended up staying and working the whole summer in Magalluf.

I guess Magalluf is on my mind at the moment because it's this time of year again, but also because the circumstances John and I are in, in terms of no job and possibly no where to live soon. We also left our family and friends in Essex this time of year 3 years ago, (another risk or leap of faith)

Going to Magalluf and leaving Thurrock to live in Diss have both brought John and me life changing experiances. Magalluf gave us the opportunity to live real hedonistic lifestyles and I felt excited and free. I went to Magalluf to escape my controling family, I had a great time and I came back to England wanting to spend the rest of my life with John. Even though I felt alive while there, I was still dead!

When we moved to Diss I was introduced to Jesus through my Christian friends and I took a leap forward and gave my life to Him. My life has never been the same since and I feel alive. Now, it's that time of year again and I feel a life changing experiance coming soon. I don't know what's going to happen or where we'll end up but I have faith and I'm willing to step out into the unknown.

The following pictures are of our time in Magalluf 1994 starting with John taking a leap of a cliff.

This was the top of the cliff and the platform to jump off, not scary at all!This is one of the places we lived and our neighbours, other British workers. That's John in the doorway.
This is where John worked the whole time at one of many Hard Rock Cafes. Rock was popular then.
These are our friends from England coming over to visit. We're all outside the pub I worked in.

This is me and Ceaser in Oasis Pub, where I worked.

Watch for danger

2008-03-10T08:35:00.004Z

'Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.' 1 Peter 5:8

When I feel alone, helpless and isolated from my friends or when I'm anxious about my troubles or when I'm just feeling sorry for myself, I get caught up with what is going on around me and take my eyes off of Jesus. This leaves me vulnerable and open to Satan's attacks.

A lot is going on in my life at the moment, such as our house is up for sale(and we haven't had many viewers), John leaves his job at the end of this month(and doesn't have another one to go to), I'm involved with the youth work at the church which can take up a lot of time(but I love doing it), I have a baby, I'm teaching Morgan at home and I'm trying to set up an information, advice and counselling service for the young people in town.

Also, my family is quite vulnerable as well, John is constantly tired (because of the strange shifts he does, the hours he works and the distance he travels to get to work), Morgan doesn't see his friends that often (because he's taught at home and so he gets a bit bored after a while), Mason feels left out(because he's at school all day and thinks we're at home having fun), the baby is into evrything(and I need 50 pairs of eyes to keep tabs on her). It's all a bit over whelming!

I sometimes think I'm superwoman and can take on anything (sometimes I can, when I get support), but how can anyone know I need help, if I don't ask? So I continue to do it myself, feeling more overwhelmed and then I start to feel inadequate, as a friend, a Christian, a mum everything and it's at that time that I leave myself open to Satan for him to devour me. I've allowed him to twist my thoughts and feelings against myself and others and over the past couple weeks this has caused me to become more and more bitter towards the church, angry with John, annoyed at the kids, victimised by the world and why? It's because I took my eyes off of Jesus and tried to do it all by myself.

During times of suffering, seek other Christians for support. Keep your eyes on Christ and resist the devil. Then says James, 'he will flee from you' James 4:7

Acceptance

2008-03-05T17:47:00.004Z

I'm only 5' 3" tall and wear kid size shoes (which is good 'cause I get to pay kids prices), but I always wanted to be taller.

In my first year of senior school I was one of the tallest, in fact I haven't grown any taller since, so the height I am now is the height I was then. My eldest son Morgan (who turned 12 in January) is now taller than me. I actually feel proud and somehow quite protected when I 'm with him, it's also very strange to have a child who is bigger than me, especially as I also have a baby.

I was out shopping with my nan yesterday, she's only 4' something and eveytime I stood next to her I felt like a giant. At one point I'd noticed that I was actually slouching so that I didn't feel so tall next to her. I felt like I was intimidating her or had some physical power over her and I didn't like it.

Throughout my life there has been many things about myself that I haven't liked or wanted to change and when these things happen, I usually prefer the way I was before or want back what I've changed. I've always wanted to be taller but I've accepted that I'm not going to grow anymore (in fact I'll end up shrinking in my twilight years), but yesterday I experianced what it would be like to be taller and I actually felt uncomfortable (through the slouching) and a little bit threatening (to those smaller than me).

One of the lyrics from a Delirious song says...'God didn't screw up when He made you'...

This has really been speaking to me lately, everything about me all the stuff people are not sure of, the person I am is through God's creation of me. However, the bad stuff and sin in me isn't from God but my journey with Him will help me change that.

Some of the things about me that others don't like have been used for God's purpose such as being a strong and dominate character helps me to handle fiesty young people.

I don't get on with everyone (or they don't get on with me) and that is alright, but I do care how others feel and I pray that God will continue to use my strengths to do His work.

People

2008-03-04T12:56:00.003Z

I'm experiancing some self-esteem issues lately. I'm craving affirmations from people, I want to be liked and accepted. I feel a little isolated, alone and forgotton. I want people to come to me.

I'm a little sad, because I feel let down by friends, rejected by family and ignored by the church. This vulnerability has allowed the enemy to twist my thoughts and feelings even more to the point where I want to isolate myself further. The enemy has twisted my thoughts so much that I often feel like not attending church anymore.

Right now in my life, most of the people I see or hang out with are from church and because I have alot of insecurities, fears and issues regarding people, this is effecting my thoughts and feeling towards the people in my church. I know that God loves, likes and puts up with me unconditionally and even through all my screw ups He's still smiling at me, but I don't just live with God, I live with people and through my weakness I allow them to affect me.

I tried to put all my heart into worship on Sunday, but I couldn't stay focused on Jesus. I just kept looking around at some of the people in the church and feeling let down. God reminded me of Peter who began sinking in the water because he took His eyes of Jesus. He also told me that I'm unapproachable, (hard words from such a loving God, but oh so true).

I think I am unapproachable, I'm intimidating, vocal, a bit too honest and probably a little scary. But underneath it all, I'm passionate, loving, caring, emotional, loyal and comical. What good is that if the external part of me, the unapproachable hard side, is covering the good soft side within me.

God gave me a vision of a crysalis. Inside I am changing. What will I change into, a butterfly or a moth?

I don't know.

Expect the unexpected.

2008-02-19T14:43:00.002Z

For the past couple of months I have felt God stir my heart to set up a drop in centre for young people in the town I live.

I use to work in a drop in centre in Essex called Open Door. Our services included an information shop, housing and benefits advice, counselling, anger management (which was my project), advocacy for looked after children, a deposit guarantee scheme for people unable to raise their own money to rent a property, a young parenting programme, sexual and health advice (with free condoms), mentoring, advocacy for asylum seekers, legal advice, and a listening service via the telephone.

Our service users were mainly between the ages of 11 and 25 years old, but because we were persitioned in the centre of town, any person in need (from any age, culture, race or ability) would drop in and we would try our best to help.

Anyway, God has been on my case to do the same here, but I've been trying to ignore Him as I think it's a too big a project for me to do. But it has been really hard to ignore the signs and the passion that He has ignited in me.

I have been feeling really torn about whether to start one or not and my thoughts have been 'does God really want me to do it? I never finish anything, so there's no point, Is there really a need for a drop in centre in Diss? Should I start of small and just offer anger management? etc. etc.

It's really been doing my head in. So a friend of mine, (who I have moaned and moaned at about what to do) simply said, ask God for confirmation, ask Him to send someone to tell you that's what He wants you to do. So last week I prayed and waited, but no one came, so I thought, huh it was all in my imagination.

Until this morning and in the most unexpected way.

Someone who I don't see that often, randomly started talking to me about the work her husband does in town for young people who have problems living at home. She told me that her husband would really like to see something set up that can offer a whole range of projects, help and advice for the young people, especially counselling and anger management. Something like a 'drop in centre'. (bing, bing, bing) Well, can't get much more confirmation than that.

So now I really need lots of prayer that God will make it easy for me (well, I don't mind a bit of hard work I just don't want it complicating my life more than it already is) and I would also like the relevant help and people to support me in achieving a drop in centre for the youth of Diss.

How Much?

2008-02-15T16:59:00.004Z

Yesterday, I had been looking forward all morning to meeting my friends at our local indoor play activity centre. It has a giant climbing frame with ball pools, tubes, slides and mazes to climb through, a tiny climbing section for younger and smaller children and then a real small play area for babies. There's seating areas for us adults and a cafe.

A few of my friends were already there as I arrived. As I queued up I was reading the prices for entry.

Adults 25p

Babies from 6 months £1.50

Toddlers to 4 years £3.50

4 years and above £3.95

I thought brilliant, 25p for me and £1.50 for Turaya, a bit pricey for a baby but still reasonable as she will probably play in the baby area for a bit and then sit and play with me whle I chat to me friends. When it came to being served I told the cashier just me and my baby and she asked how old the baby was and I told her 13 months with a smile on my face. She asked if she could walk and I answered proudly "Yes!". To which she requested, "That'll be £3.75".

"HOW MUCH???" I said calmly back, and she replied, "25p for you and £3.50 for the baby."

I pointed to the price sheet and explained that it states £1.50 for babies from 6 months. Yes she said, but your baby can walk. Yes I thought, but she's not a toddler.

I was soooo angry that I asked to speak to the manager to ask why they charge a baby who has just started walking more than double the cost for a baby who can't walk yet. But she couldn't give me an answer and told me it's all down to the owners and gave me their address so that I can formally complain in writing. I took the address and decided to leave.

Two of my friends offered to pay for me, but money wasn't the issue because I had the money to pay myself, it was the principle. I didn't want to hand over £3.75 just so I could hang out with my friends (which I can do at home for free) and Turaya had only one place that she was allowed to play in anyway, that being the baby play area because she was too small and young to use all the other apparatus. How can this business justify their prices?

I've come to realise that the reason so many companies get away with over pricing is because no one says anything, we just accept it even though in the long term it will eventually cripple us financially. We are a nation of door-mats that puts up with the ridiculously over priced cost of living in this country. My heart feels for asylum seekers, single parents and families on a low income who live in this country. No wonder we have a high rate of depression, debt and homelessness in this country.

When are we going to do something about it?

What do you feel?

2008-02-08T12:21:00.000Z

Somtimes I just feel like;

jhhjfai fgjherv bnsirhhr vfjfk eu ghsoewu mvnvlsxaowoeru jfow ie fkdrit v osh d ge soaoff vb sd ug alpe viyt wy c n fiwyr vu eiu fheiw gv....

Ah, that's better!